Bonnie
by Fabius Maximus
Summary: Kim's vanished, Ron's vanished, and Bonnie's afraid she may be going crazy... can anyone help? Chapter XVII, probably the last KP from me until 2008.
1. Chapter 1

_Bonnie. Being the tale of Bonnie Rockwaller during Kim's absence._

This story takes place during the time covered by the _Chrysanthemum and the Sword, _but can be read independently of that story. It does, however, directly flow from _Buried_, and that story should be read first. This story starts about three weeks after _Buried_ ends.

* * *

Authors notes: I swore I wouldn't post another multiparter until I finished the others, I really did. But it was your fault-- some people sent in reviews for the others in the Buried series, and I realized that as yet, I hadn't explained what had happened back in Middleton-- and that bears tremendously on relations between Bonnie and Kim in the Senior year period, as well as changes in Bonnie's personality. So here we are.

Like I said. It's all your fault. :)

* * *

"So she wanted to sleep with me…" James said, the somewhat unkempt Junior making a rather vulgar gesture.

"_Bonnie?_" A member of his audience asked, and James laughed.

"Oh, c'mon, she's been spreading for everyone at school…she was just clever about it." There were nods all around. Bonnie's promiscuity was a topic of some conversation on campus, even though nobody had ever _personally_ slept with her. It was always a friend of a friend, or a cousin or someone from the other town where she went… as usual, this particular omission was never considered important. Besides, James _had _seen this.

"Yeah—every time her mom's out of town she goes looking for someone to sleep with…even…" He dropped his voice, "The other cheerleaders." He dropped a particularly juicy bit of gossip that he'd heard just that morning. "In fact…know how people say Kim went nuts and tried to kill her because she was dating _Ron?_"

"Yeah?" The others leaned in.

"That wasn't it… it's all a cover up. _Bonnie_ took out Kim because Kim had been sleeping with Bonnie and dumped her for _Ron!"_

"No way!"

"Yep! But anyway, I told her that she could come over to my house tonight…but I wanted her to wear a thong and she said yes! I think maybe she'll do a little strip tease for me and if I can get my webcam working maybe we can see if she shaves…"

It really was his fault, in retrospect. If he'd been paying attention, he would have seen Brick in the corridor behind him. James hadn't. If he'd been more perceptive, he would have realized that his audience was no longer looking at him.

But all James had a chance to feel was a hand holding his head…which then slammed his head into the locker several times, before letting him go, as he slumped to the floor, unconscious. Brick glared at the others, the football star seeming to be even bigger than normal, a menacing scowl on his face.

"Get lost." He growled. They did.

"Brick Flagg! I saw that!" The old lady who had replaced Barkin came walking up to him. "You go straight to the office and I'll talk to you later." Brick turned and walked off, heading towards the office, ignoring her irritating whine. He knew what would happen. A lecture, maybe a days suspension…and nothing. The other kid wouldn't do anything for fear of Brick.

If _Barkin_ had been here, Brick would have been lucky to ever return, to say nothing of playing football again. But Barkin wasn't, which was why attendance was down, tardiness was up, and students had no problem defying the teachers at every turn.

God, he missed Barkin… because he could have _told_ Barkin what was happening. How Bonnie was desperately trying to avoid being alone every night when her mom wasn't home. How she woke up screaming, and the fear in her voice when she'd torn into Brick for refusing to sleep with her.

"I guess you're just a _boy_ then…" She spat, her wide fearful eyes giving lie to her venom. She'd slept over with every one of her female friends, until their parents started to frown and now was working on others…who...

Brick growled and sent a pair of freshmen running.

… were pretty obvious in what they wanted. So far, Brick would bet that Bonnie had gotten away with some petting….but he'd heard other jokes, that she woke up screaming at night even if she wasn't alone and guys weren't going to take _that_ for very long, not without her putting out.

If only… Brick could talk to Barkin, but he _couldn't_ talk to Bonnie's mom. What if she blew up? He needed to talk to someone smarter then he was… One of Bonnie's friends?

No. Then she would get pissed at them, as well. This was his job, and he wouldn't toss it off on their shoulders. He did things himself.

Let her sleep in his house, in his bed have sex with her? No. His dad had died when he was thirteen, but Brick remembered their talk. A man slept with a woman he was going to marry. Period, end of argument. If you didn't _know_ you were going to marry her, you didn't sleep with her, because that was what a liar did.

But Bonnie was hurting. She needed…

More than he could give. There was one person he could talk to… just one. He wished he didn't have to, but Bonnie had respected her as well…even though it wasn't' fair to her. But he had to.

Brick nodded to himself, not realizing that the principal of the school had been talking to him for the last thirty minutes.

* * *

The next day, Brick had free, courtesy of a days suspension. He headed straight for the hospital. It took a few minutes, as the desk nurse assured herself that Brick wasn't another reporter (the last one had been arrested for pretending to be patient to try and corner Kim's mom), and was really a classmate of Kim.

"Hello Brick." Dr. Possible said as she sat down beside him. Brick winced, and felt even guiltier then he had when he'd first thought of the idea. There were dark shadows under her eyes, and her hands seemed unable to keep still, playing with a pen, dexterous fingers running over it, putting it a pocket, to pull it out again next. But her voice was steady.

"Dr. Possible…" Brick said, and took a deep breath, "It's about Bonnie."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Part II—and a little poem from Kipling that could describe both Kim _and_ Bonnie in this story series.

**Hymn of Breaking Strain  
Rudyard Kipling **

The careful text books measure  
(Let all who build beware!)  
The load, the shock, the pressure  
Material can bear.  
So, when the buckled girder  
Lets down the grinding span,  
The blame of loss, or murder,  
Is laid upon the man.  
_Not on the Stuff -- the Man!_

But in our daily dealing  
With stone and steel, we find  
The Gods have no such feeling  
Of justice toward mankind.  
To no set gauge they make us, --  
For no laid course prepare --  
And presently o'ertake us  
With loads we cannot bear.  
_Too merciless to bear._

The prudent text-books give it  
In tables at the end --  
The stress that shears a rivet  
Or makes a tie-bar bend --  
What traffic wrecks macadam --  
What concrete should endure --  
But we, poor Sons of Adam,  
Have no such literature,  
_To warn us or make sure!_

We hold all Earth to plunder --  
All Time and Space as well --  
Too wonder-stale to wonder  
At each new miracle;  
Till, in mid-illusion  
Of Godhead 'neath our hand,  
Falls multiple confusion  
On all we did or planned.  
_The mighty works we planned.  
_

We only of Creation  
_(Oh, luckier bridge and rail!)_  
Abide the twin-damnation --  
To fail and know we fail.  
Yet we -- by which sole token  
We know we once were Gods --  
Take shame in being broken  
However great the odds --  
_The Burden or the Odds._

Oh, veiled and secret Power  
Whose paths we seek in vain,  
Be with us in our hour  
Of overthrow and pain;  
That we -- by which sure token  
We know thy ways are true --  
In spite of being broken,  
_Because of being broken,_  
May rise and build anew.  
Stand up and build anew!

* * *

Lamentations and Revalations

* * *

Bonnie came home that evening, angry, and frustrated. Her mother was out of town, so were her sisters (no loss _there)_ but James had gone missing. Brick, probably. She should have dumped him. She unlocked her door, and came into the house. She'd have to call someone el-

"Bon-Bon?"

"_Mom?_" Bonnie turned around in Shock, and saw not simply her mother, but Dr. Possible standing at the other side of the room. "You were gone this week."

"I know… I flew back after Andrea gave me an emergency call." Her mother looked…not angry, but worried. "Bonnie… we've heard some disturbing news from some people…"

_Oh God. She knows. She's…_ Bonnie's mind gibbered. She turned on the offensive. It had worked before. It would work now.

"So Brick told you some lies?" She hissed, "It was him, wasn't it… I knew he'd be pissed when I wouldn't sleep with him…" The lie came easy to her tongue. It was better than the alternative.

"Brick?" her mother said, "Why would you think Brick would tell us anything?" She paused, "Bonnie, the school psychologist said you were doing better…"

_Because I lied to him…__ I had to lie to him. If people knew about…_ Her sisters… the team… Bonnie's skin crawled at what they would say to her.

"Nothing!" Bonnie said, "I just figured that since I broke up with him he'd be telling tales…." She paused, "I'm fine… really." She looked at both women defiantly, which was possibly the worst thing she could have done.

Andrea and Carla both looked at the teen, and saw the way her eyes couldn't seem to meet theirs, how she held herself defensively. Dr. Possible gave a small frown, and then nodded to herself.

"Well, in that case I'm happy to hear about it…but your mother has asked me to keep watch on you…. To make certain you sleep…here when nobody else is around. It should be rest-"

"_NO!" _Bonnie's scream was shockingly loud. "You can't!"

"Bonnie, I'm not angry, but its…" Her mother stopped as Bonnie whirled away from them.

_I can't let them know, I can't let them know…_ She thought, terror of the memory rising in her mind. She couldn't…she wouldn't survive….

"I don't care!" She shouted, her self control crumbling, hysteria creeping into her voice.

"Bonnie-" Her mother started.

"Shut up!" She shouted and ran to her room…only for some reason the door wouldn't work.

"Let me out!" her voice scaled up. She had to get away from them, call someone, anyone, to be with her to stay with her to keep the terror at bay. She hauled on the door again.

_They locked me out of my room! _Bonnie thought frantically, not noticing that she was trying to open the door in the wrong direction. She pulled harder, tears beginning to fall from her eyes.

Suddenly she felt hands on her, _Mad staring eyes looking down at her as she dragged her through the rooms of her house, thunder roaring in the background, _and started flailing frantically, wailing.

_"Let me go, let me go, let me go!" _She screamed as her mother tried to hang on to her.

"Bonnie…_Bon-Bon…_ _Please! _We just want to help you!" Bonnie redoubled her efforts to get away. She could get away. Run. Keep Running, never stop running.

Then she felt a prick in her shoulder, and looked over to where Dr. Possible had just injected her with a syringe of something. Bonnie's struggles started to ease, as a glassy feeling of calm came over her, insulating her from the fear.

"Bonnie…oh my Bonnie…" Her mother moaned as she half carried her, with Andrea's aid, to the couch.

"That's just a little sedative." Dr. Possible told both of them. "I was worried, but it will just calm you down."

"It won't matter…" Bonnie's voice was coming from a million miles away. "She'll get me… it always happens, when I go to sleep… even when I use pills…"

"Kim?" Dr. Possible asked. Bonnie nodded, not noticing the terrible wince on Kim's mothers face. Her mother did, and even through her tears, patted Andrea on the shoulder.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You always go away…" The dreamy voice continued, "and you have to work…" Her mother couldn't meet her eyes at that, but Bonnie continued, "And I couldn't let anyone else know…they'd just laugh…they all hate me, you know that? That's why I have to be better than they are…"

"Ok…" Dr. Possible said, and turning to her mother quietly spoke. "We need to take her to the hospital… so the hospital psychologist can evaluate her." Carla nodded jerkily.

"Should we call an ambulance?"

"No… That sedative will last for a while, and I think we can drive her—besides," Dr. Possible said, "I don't think she's a danger to herself or others…not like..like…" She swallowed and continued, "Kim was." Half supporting the dazed Bonnie, still in her cheerleading outfit, the two women got her into the Rockwaller's van. Bonnie's mom sat in the back with her daughter, holding her in her arms while Dr. Possible drove them to the hospital, after calling to let them know they were coming.

* * *

Once in the hospital, Bonnie found herself in a soft bed, not strapped down, but tucked in, her Cheerleading uniform removed by her mother and replaced by some bed clothes she'd brought from home.

"Bonnie?" Her mothers voice. "This is Dr. Simonson…you remember him? He talked to you after the attack."

"Yes…" She said.

"Good… you need to tell him….everything." Her mother paused, "If you want, Dr. Possible and I will leave…"

_Alone…_ Fear started to struggle against the sedative.

"No…" She said, "Stay…"

"Very well." Dr. Possible said, and Simonson sat down beside her.

"Bonnie… let's start from the beginning…"

TBC.


	3. Chapter 3

Agony and Agrement

* * *

They had gone through the attack and the aftermath, but now Bonnie was becoming more agitated, even through the sedative.

"No…" She said, rolling her head. "don wanna talk anymore…"

"Bonnie…" Dr. Simonson said, "I think you need to tell us what's wrong…why are you so afraid to be alone?" The girl paused, not fighting, just lying there. Suddenly, there was a change, a change that even through the drugs transformed her appearance. Bonnie looked…tired, mortally tired and somehow smaller.

_We forget that she's not much bigger than Kim…_ Dr. Possible thought. _She makes it so hard for anyone to get close, that sometimes it's hard to realize she's Kim's age._

"Whenever I sleep, she's there. She says she'll kill me, that no matter where I go, she'll be there waiting for me." Dr. Possible leaned forward, and ignoring the glare from Simonson, spoke up.

"And that's why you're afraid to sleep alone?"

"Uh-huh… It's not so bad if somebody is in the house…but when I'm alone… she's there… I think I hear her outside the room, and then I turn around and see her…and then I wake up. But she's really there, I _know_ it…._I_ do…." The teen began weakly thrashing against the covers. Carla put a hand on her daughter's forehead and Bonnie calmed down.

"Bonnie…how can we help you?"

"Make it stop…" Bonnie said. "Make her stop…."

* * *

"How do we do that?" Carla asked, as the three adults retired right outside of the sedated girls room.

"I have some prescriptions that can do that… powerful sleeping pills."

"What?" Andrea asked "That's not the source of her problem!"

"Maybe not, but it will let her sleep in the mean time…without, I might add, seeking the company of every unscrupulous male in her school!"

""She's having difficulty sleeping, but we don't need to make drugs part of our first therapy!"

"What we? She's _my_ patient, and this is about helping Bonnie Rockwaller, not assuaging your feelings of failure regarding Kim Possible and her drug addiction!" Andrea turned bone white, and nearly struck Simonson, at the last moment noticing her upraised hand and pulling it down, before turning away from him, her shoulders heaving.

"That was uncalled for, Doctor." Carla said, patting Andrea on her shoulder.

"Maybe so, and if so, I apologize, but it doesn't make it untrue." Simonson said, unflinchingly. "Kim was medicating herself, and there is a _world_ of difference between that and medication given by a qualified physician." Carla nodded, but turned to Andrea, who now had both hands on the wall, seemingly bracing herself.

"Andrea…what do you suggest."

"I… I um…" Andrea pulled a tissue out and blew her nose. "I… think that the best thing would be to start by trying to insure Bonnie isn't alone at home when you're gone." Bonnie's mother nodded.

"I wish I could stay…but without a husband…"

"I know."

"Her sisters… I don't think asking them would be a good idea." Carla said. She shook her head at the thought. Maybe she should tell Andrea…but not in front of anyone else. Andrea looked at Carla.

"She could stay with us."

"wonderful." Simonson said. "Have her stay in the same home that the person who tried to kill her came from…that will do _such_ wonders for her mental state." Carla frowned.

"But Kim tried to kill her at _our_ home…" She turned to Dr. Possible, " I'm sorry Andrea… I don't blame her, she wasn't in her right mind."

"And I can observe her." Kim's mother said. "There will be a medical professional on staff."

"And if this doesn't work?" Simonson said. "Are you prepared to accept that medication might be necessary?" Carla frowned, but Andrea met him squarely.

"I've already paid quite enough for seeing what I wished to, instead of what really was, doctor… If it doesn't work, I'll have her back here immediately."

"If Bonnie agrees…" Carla said, "I need to talk to her… alone." Both doctors nodded.

* * *

Bonnie was laying in bed. It was comfortable. Warm. She didn't have to think. She could just lay her. She wished she could just lay there forever.

"Bon-Bon?" Her mothers voice. Bonnie felt her hand on her forehead, like she'd done when she'd been little and had a cold.

"Mom…"

"Bonnie… we're not going to give you medicine to make you sleep…but you can't just go with these…" Her mothers voice became harsh, angry, "Boys. They just want to use you."

"But…" Bonnie started panicking. That meant she wanted her to stay by herself and she couldn't...

"Bonnie… Dr. Possible says you can sleep at her house." Bonnie opened her eyes and looked at her mother.

"But… But that's where Kim lived."

"She…" Carla closed her eyes, "She doesn't live there anymore, Bonnie…and Dr. Possible will be there every night when you are there, so when I'm gone, there will be someone near by you… Do you trust Dr. Possible?"

"Yes…" Bonnie said.

"Enough to stay in her house?"

"Yes…"

"Good." Carla leaned over and kissed Bonnie on the forehead. "We're going to let you stay here for a little longer, and tonight you'll stay at Dr. Possible's house. Go to sleepy, Bon-Bon…" She finished. Bonnie felt strange, and her eyes were suddenly too heavy to keep open.

Carla looked down at her sleeping daughter. Simonson didn't understand. Oh, he was educated, and understood his craft, and meant well…

But only a mother could understand the agony of not being able to protect her children. Only a mother could understand, even faintly, what Andrea was going through, and why she had to do something, anything to help. Carla sighed, and turned to walk out and make the last arrangements with Andrea.

TBC.


	4. Chapter 4

Revelations

* * *

Carla and Dr. Possible had been talking for nearly an hour, setting up all the required measures, after Andrea had phoned her husband. He wasn't overly happy about it, but then he wasn't even allowing Ron's name to be mentioned in the house still…and there had been the interviews with Child Protective Services over their handling of Kim…and their current handling of the twins. Andrea shivered. There were people who wanted to take their two remaining children away from them.

_Is this fair to my family? Should I do this?_ She shook her head. Her oath was to heal, and it didn't have an escape hatch for "work to heal only when it's convenient."

"Andrea…" Carla said, after starting and stopping for several minutes. "There's…something that I have to tell you about Bonnie…but you can't tell anyone else about it." She paused, "Not your husband, or Kim, or your priest…" Andrea nodded at her.

"I'm a doctor, Carla…and even if this isn't fully official, Bonnie is in some respects, my patient… what is it?"

"My ex-husband….Bonnie isn't his." Andrea blinked. She'd expected many things, but not that.

"Not…" She paused. Bonnie's father had divorced Carla two years after she'd been born…

"Not his…. I was feeling "neglected"" Carla said, and her face was a study in old self hatred, "So I decided to flush the love of my childhood sweetheart, the father of my children, right down the toilet for a good lay with some beefcake who doesn't even remember my name." She laughed. "Harold stuck with me for two more years…but well, it's amazing how easy it can be to wreck trust, and how hard it can be to get it back…impossible a lot of times."

"And he left…"

"Yes. He left me the house, most of the money and he still pays child support…but he left." There was water in Carla's eyes now, as she looked over, unwilling to meet Dr. Possible's eyes.

"And of course…" She paused, "Bonnie doesn't know, and neither do the other two…but somehow… I don't know. Bonnie's always been… apart from them. She feels in competition at all times, and well, they don't help much… I've tried, but…" She shook her head. "I don't know why, but Bonnie and her sisters have always been competitive, but Bonnie's a lot more sensitive about it than she lets on." Dr. Possible nodded, remembering something she'd seen, long ago.

* * *

_She was walking Kimmie to the Pre-K, her belly swollen with the Twins. She shook her head in affectionate disgust. Jonathon was overjoyed… well he wasn't going to have to pass them, and her maternity leave would have to be somewhat extended. Ahead of her a brown haired girl, about Kim's age, ran forward to catch up with her two older sisters. Bonnie, she thought her name was. Suddenly, the child tripped, and throwing her hands out to catch herself, skinned them. Andrea walked (well, waddled) forward quickly to see the child looking at her scraped palms. She took them in her hands._

_"Here… I can fix that." The child sniffled, when her sisters laughed. _

_"Oh, look at the crybaby!" Andrea looked up and frowned, but before she could say anything she felt Bonnie pull her hands away, and looking down, saw the girl rub her eyes once and then glare. _

_"I don't **need** to be fixed. I'm fine!" The girl announced, and ignoring Andrea, Kim, and her laughing sisters, marched into the pre-K where her mother waited.

* * *

_

"I know…" Andrea said. "She and Kim… well, Kimmie…" She bit her lip for a moment, "Had no lack of things to say about Bonnie, and I bet Bonnie was the same."

"Bonnie…doesn't confide in people quite as much as Kim does," Carla sighed, "I think… I think she felt that Kim was a test…if she could beat her, then her sisters were wrong and Bonnie could be the best… I don't know. I… I really haven't been the best mother for Bonnie, I'm afraid."

"And _I_ didn't do as much as I could have for that…" Andrea looked down. "I didn't think their competition had gotten that far out of hand…but it was. Kim would have never gone after Bonnie unless she…"

"But she was having a breakdown." Andrea shook her head. _I lied to myself enough. _

"No…the drugs would enhance what was there, but not create feelings whole cloth. On some level, Kim saw Bonnie as a danger and a threat… I hope…" She closed her eyes. "I hope that i-when she comes back, I can help her work on that."

"You will." Carla said. Andrea nodded, carefully not mentioning the note they'd gotten, from Shego, of all people. The police were still looking for Kim, after all…and she and Jonathon had been informed that regardless of the court case, the minute Kim reappeared, CPS would begin proceedings to have her removed from their house.

And unlike Andrea, Carla could not claim patient-doctor confidentiality.

"So…" Andrea asked. "How are we going to do this?"

"I…think that Bonnie should stay at your house for now… Unless you think I should take a vacation for a while…"

"No…the problem isn't your presence, it's your _absence_, and taking vacation days now just puts off the problem—and you might need them later." She smiled, "I gave you my cel and pager number—and those are both ALWAYS on, no matter what I'm doing, without exception." She shrugged, "You won't have to worry about them being busy either."

"aren't they for your medical work-"

"Yes…but I'm…" Dr. Possible looked down for a moment, "On reduced duty, pending the findings of the Medical Review Board."

"_What_ findings?"

"Kim used illegal drugs in my house, and pretty much showed the text book definition of a drug related psychotic break, and I didn't see it…. There's a fair amount of space to question my fitness." Andrea said.

"But…but…" Andrea overrode Carla.

"Kim was suffering every sign of post traumatic stress, and then just stopped. That doesn't happen without a cause, but _I_ didn't check. She started having periods of extreme hyperactivity, where she couldn't even stand still, along with periods of lethargy and weariness bordering on being comatose… which is another clear sign of something going wrong…and I _still _didn't check any further. I thought about it, but I didn't. _Mr. Barkin_ Did…._Ron_ did… but the woman who has been a doctor for fifteen years, who did her internship in a town where half the cases were drug related, the _brain surgeon_… didn't see it. Didn't stop her daughter from self destructing, because the stupid _bitch_ of a doctor was too busy seeing what she _wanted_ to see." Andrea found herself hunched over, hand's clenched, breathing hard. Then, softly, she continued. "In any case, there are a few other chickens coming to roost. I don't suppose it'd surprise you that there have been comments to the effect that if I had spent less time being a surgeon and more time being a mother this might never have started, that the kids obviously need more time with their mom… if CPS doesn't take them away, that is." She shrugged, "There's every possibility I could lose my license…" Her face twisted slightly, "At least I'll have more time with my sons, even if I did fail my daughter." She shook herself out of her thoughts.

"Bonnie comes over starting tonight. I know you don't' have to leave, but I'd say it's best to start this while you're _close_."

"What about the twins and their father."

"Jonathon is okay with this…Jim and Tim…" She shook her head. "I've talked to them, but they've been having some problems. Fights at school… anger… they miss their sister."

"Maybe we shou-"

"No." Andrea said. "Carla, we can't do _anything_ for Kim… let us help here, please?"

* * *

"I understand. Let's go and get Bonnie's sleeping things."

When the van pulled up to the Possible's house, Bonnie looked nervous. Part of her wanted to take off, run back home. Her hands were clenched inside her jacket.

But if she ran back home…mom would be gone and the dreams would be waiting for her.

She didn't have a choice.

"Ready Bon-Bon?" Her mother asked her. Bonnie nodded, not even getting angry at her pet name.

"Yeah."

"Want me to walk you to the door?" Bonnie shook her head, anger surfacing even through her fear.

"I can do _that_ mom…" Her mother nodded.

"I know, Bonnie… If you need to call, at any time, you know my number…and if you need me to come back."

"I…" Bonnie paused, "I'll try not to." Her mother kissed her, and then Bonnie was walking to the door.

She was terrified, both of what lay behind it…and that if this didn't work, she'd have no place else to run to.

TBC.


	5. Chapter 5

Dinner was… tense. That was a good word, Bonnie thought, even through her worry about what was going to come. Jim and Tim were polite to her, but their barely controlled glares at heir mother told her _why_ they were polite to her.

_They hate me._ Bonnie thought. Maybe they were right. Here she was, sitting at the table where their sister had sat, and…

"May be we excused…we're not very hungry." Jim said. His mother looked at him for a moment, and then gave a short nod. With that, the two vanished faster than Bonnie would have thought possible. Kim's dad was also nowhere to be seen. James' wife looked over at the empty place and sighed.

"James is spending a lot of time at the space center now…he…" She paused, and cleared her throat. "He… finds the house hard to bear, some times."

_I should offer to leave._ Bonnie thought. It was plain she was part of the problem, but her lips remained silent. She couldn't endure the fear. She couldn't.

"Oh…and another thing, Bonnie…. Ron is…. A very sensitive subject around here. James won't mention him, or let us mention him…"

"But why-" Bonnie bit the question off. Andrea sighed.

"Because Ron…" She dropped her eyes, for a moment. "Ron kidnapped Kim… or more specifically, Ron did, I think, what James wished _he_ would have done." She shook her head. "Kim was about to be taken away from us, Bonnie."

"Away? But how-"

"Unfit parents, to say nothing of a child needing to be institutionalized." Andrea laughed, humorlessly, "Nearly twenty years working, in some way or another, near a hospital, and I'd thought I'd seen all the ways families and people could self destruct. I should have figured our family would surprise me—nothings impossible for a Possible, after all."

"It wasn't your fault." Bonnie said, "It was _his_." Andrea didn't need to ask who the teen was talking about, but she changed the subject. Bonnie honestly couldn't say anything Andrea hadn't, and if she kept telling herself it was all _his_ fault, for putting Kim in that coffin in the first place….

….well she might start to believe it.

In a century or so.

"And what about Brick?" Andrea asked.

"He _did_ tell you." Bonnie said, "I knew it." Andrea didn't answer, but asked a question of her own.

"Because you wouldn't sleep with him?"

"Because…" Bonnie closed her mouth. She couldn't lie about that. "Because he wouldn't sleep with _me._" She linked her fingers, to keep them from trembling.

"Well…that's….unusual, I think, for your typical teenage man." Andrea said softly. "In fact, I'd say that's the last thing a parent fears when she's thinking about her daughter with a boy."

"Hmph…. I…" Bonnie paused. "It's not so hard."

"Not so hard?" Andrea paused, "Bonnie, far be it for me to exaggerate, but you are probably one of the most beautiful girls in school."

"Not really." Bonnie said, again, unable to look at Kim's mother. "I keep myself looking good because I _never_ let anyone see me when I'm not ready. Connie and Lonnie are the pretty ones…" Her face turned sour, "And the smart ones, like they never stop reminding me."

"Your sisters, right?" Andrea didn't pursue, but Bonnie started up again. She felt vaguely ashamed, remembering how she'd tried to blame _Brick_ for her sleeping around.

"He wouldn't sleep with me. He won't do that, he says until we're engaged, at _least_… hel-heck…" Bonnie laughed softly, "Half the kids think Brick and I have screwed like monkeys, and he barely feels comfortable putting his hand down my shirt." She reddened when she realized what she'd just said. "Not that we did that if mom asks."

"I'm a doctor, Bonnie, and keeping confidences is…part of my job." She looked over to the other couch and gave a sad smile, remembering something. "Brick is a very good young man, Bonnie, you know that, don't' you?"

"I…yeah." She paused, "I'm still pissed at him for telling on me!" Andrea didn't say anything about the vulgarity, but nodded to herself. There was some spirit in that.

"But he didn't." Andrea said. "Brick came to me and told me that you were having severe problems, and he didn't know how to help you and he didn't think that _you_ knew how to solve them." Bonnie's mind gibbered for a moment, but she rallied gamely.

"But you knew I had been sleeping around…"

"Bonnie, we called some of your other friends, and they confirmed that you had been sleeping over at your co-cheerleader's houses…and some other parents had heard the rumors about what some of the less scrupulous students were saying." Andrea smiled, "We seem it at times, but we are not always completely clueless." Then she got serious, "But Brick _did not_ violate your privacy…and I don't think I've ever seen him more afraid, more worried that he might lose you, as he was when he mentioned his concerns."

"You seem pretty worried that I'm going to dump him." Bonnie said.

"Are you?"

"I…don't' know." Andrea nodded.

"That's the best we can hope for, I think…but Bonnie, remember this. All the stories talk about people who will do _anything_ to be with someone they care for. But is that such a big thing? They _want_ to be with this person, so of _course_ they'll work to stay with them…. But what about the person who does the _right_ thing for his love, or friend, even though it may mean that he'll never see them again. That's hard."

"…yeah." Bonnie said. She realized that Brick and her were not the only people that might refer to.

_If you did take Kim, Stoppable…what if you can never come back to see your friends, like Monique, or Felix. Of course, I'm not in that category. Never seeing me again might be a plus. _Andrea caught the look on her face.

"Well, enough sorrowful musings." The older woman said. "Let me show you where you're staying."

TBC.


	6. Chapter 6

Bonnie wasn't upset about the "sorrowful musings"—because they had kept her from thinking about what was about to happen.

Sleep.

And then the nightmares. She knew it. Maybe not even nightmares. Bonnie was certain that Kim, if she remembered anything, would remember _Bonnie._ She opened her mouth to speak, but Dr. Possible, somehow knowing what she was going to say, forestalled it.

"Bonnie… I know you don't want to, but we have to start on this—you can't go to school a zombie, and in any case…. You have to sleep sometime." Bonnie jerkly nodded and went to get her stuff.

Which led to the next problem. They were gone. Bonnie blinked, and dug through her bag, desperately. Where _were_ they?

"Looking for your pills? I poured them down the sink."

"You _what?_" Andrea looked at the younger girl unrepentantly.

"I poured them down the sink. You didn't think I was going to repeat my little mistake, did you?"

"But they're just… regular."

"Regular or prescription, they're still an unnatural way of solving a problem…" Andrea paused, "_and_ you will build up a resistance to them—that's universal among this sort of medication—or were you thinking of upping the dose, then having to take a stimulant in the morning so you don't look like a zombie?" Dr. Possible's light voice didn't fit with the way she had her hands together, memories filling her eyes. Bonnie bit her lip.

"But the…"

"Nightmares, I know. Bonnie, we're trying this—_I'm_ trying this to see if you won't _need_ medication. If it doesn't work over the next week or so, well then, yes, we'll medicate you…but under the supervision of a qualified doctor, nothing else."

"I-" Bonnie felt herself start to tremble. Then, to her horror, she felt her eyes starting to fill. She turned her head in shame and spoke. "So where do I sleep." Andrea looked at her, seeming to come to a decision.

"Kim's room."

"_what?"_ Bonnie gasped, "But…"

"Bonnie." Andrea put her hand on Bonnie's. "Kim was a teen, like yourself. She's not some supernatural being that…" She cleared her throat. "Well, in any case, you've been in her room once before…and maybe seeing how Kim lived when things were normal will help you… if not, than tomorrow night we'll put you in the guest room." Bonnie gulped, but rallied, pulling the tattered remains of her self control around her, like a knight donning a suit of rusty armor.

"Ok…" She said, and went to prepare for bed.

Then, she was sitting in the room. _Kim's_ room. There was that ridiculous Cuddle-Buddy that Kim would go on about if you gave her a chance, pictures, Kim… Kim and Ron, the cheer team. Out beyond the windows she could see Ron's house, with one room dark. His, she guessed. Bonnie gulped once, and pulled the clean covers up to her chin. She didn't have a choice. She had to do this.

Surprisingly, she fell asleep quickly.

* * *

_The house was quiet. Bonnie wondered why she'd woken up, but there was something… She looked over to the windows, and they were dark, not dark as in night, but dark as in there was only an inky blackness behind them. Bonnie walked over to them, when she heard a voice._

_"Bonnie…" _

_Kim's voice. _

_"No…" Bonnie spun around and-

* * *

_

"Bonnie. Wake up." She opened her eyes with a squeak and found herself staring into Dr. Possible's eyes. The older woman was sitting by the side of the bed, the desk lamp on, throwing the room into a half lit dimness. Bonnie looked over to the clock, which read 4:40…she'd been asleep for about five hours.

"I was just walking by." Andrea said. Bonnie paused and looked over at the cup of tea and the book by the bedstand.

_Sure you were. Were you sitting here all night? _

"James was working very late, so I wanted to stay up for him." Andrea continued. Bonnie's eyes narrowed slightly at that. He _still_ wasn't home? Andrea didn't look tired…but she looked more frazzled, just like she had…

_Since Kim and Ron vanished, idiot. What, you think she'd be throwing parties?_

"Let's go into the living room." Andrea continued. "I hate to say it, but you'll probably not get much more sleep tonight, and since school is tomorrow, you'd have to wake up at around six anyway." Bonnie nodded. She'd gotten more sleep then she'd had in some time. Now if Doctor _Possible_ got some sleep….but it really wasn't her place to say.

"Here." She said, holding up a cup of tea. "This will calm your nerves." Bonnie looked up.

"I thought you didn't like drugs."

"No, but this really isn't the kind of drug you were taking—oh, herbal remedies will ease your nerves, but they have nothing like the sledgehammer effect of most modern medicines—just like beer in the old days really doesn't compare with what you get from modern fermentation and distillation." Bonnie sipped the brew and found it…a little soothing, or maybe it was because she hadn't woken up screaming with the memories of steel hard talons wrapped around her neck, or the knife coming closer to her eyes so she wouldn't be able to mock Kim or-

_Stop it._ Bonnie forced herself to look back up.

"Yeah." She said. "Sometimes when I took the other pills, I… couldn't wake up…from the…you know."

"Nightmares." Andrea said. "Bonnie, what you're facing is a post traumatic stress syndrome."

"Like soldiers?"

"Like everyone who undergoes a serious trauma." She shrugged. "I once lost a patient because a major vein in his brain blew out—blood all over the table, we couldn't suction it away fast enough." She sighed. "The surgery was an iffy one, we all knew, but the next time we were at a restaurant, my steak was a little too rare, so when I cut into it, the blood came welling up…" looking down at her tea, she continued, "So I had to run to the bathroom before I threw up everything I had eaten for the last three days…. I still ask for steaks well done since then." She paused, "Police, firefighters, everyone has the same stories…" She paused, "Which was why Kim was as much my fault."

"For being _buried_—that's." Andrea shook her head.

"No, Bonnie, although if I'd known that was going to happen, Team Possible may never have gotten off the ground." She shook her head. "For buying into the propaganda—"I can do anything", " Andrea said to herself. She laughed, bitterly, "Bonnie, if that had happened to a police officer, or a fire fighter, they would have been _taken off duty_ and watched, closely, and you can _bet_ that any changes in behavior like we saw in Kim would have been _immediately_ followed up." Bonnie didn't say it wasn't her fault. She couldn't. Kim's mother was right.

"Mr. Barkin was worried, and so was Ron…and then when Kim first tried to get back into cheer practice…" She shook her head.

* * *

_Tara had asked Kim about her uniform, and the head cheerleader looked at her, seeming to zone for a moment. Then she was staggering back, wide staring eyes seeing something beyond the gym. _

_"No…get away from me…stop, please, don't!" She cried out, hitting the wall, sliding along it until she ended up in a corner, her legs collapsing under her. She whimpered._

_"I…I couldn't…I couldn't…" She babbled as Ron ran to her side. _

_"Kim…" _

_"I didn't let him touch me… I couldn't." she said, desperation in her voice. _

_"Bonnie…" She said._

_"Yes, Kim?" Bonnie answered, feeling her heart thud in her chest._

_"It's yours. The squad…I can't do this." Bonnie flinched. _

_"Kim, I'll hold the place for you, but don't."_

_"No, I can't!" Kim said, and turned and ran. Ron took out after her. One of the cheerleaders was on the phone to the office, calling Barkin. _

_"What do I-" Bonnie asked, the others, feeling lost. She'd dreamed of regaining her place as head cheerleader…but not like this. Never like this._

_Tara glared at her, and Bonnie felt herself shrivel before Tara's gaze. _

_"Well, Bonnie." Tara said, bitingly. "Remember, you wanted to be on top instead of Kim…you got your wish." Bonnie didn't say a thing for a moment. Tara was her friend. How could she… She felt herself start to cry. No. She couldn't. Not in front of everyone else. Bonnie flung the pom-poms aside, and turned and ran for the door, vision blurring as her first sob tore itself free from her throat. _

_"Bonnie, wait-that wasn't-BONNIE!" She heard Tara's cry, but kept going.

* * *

_

TBC.


	7. Chapter 7

"I know, Bonnie." Kim's mother said. Bonnie shook her head, and looked at her.

"We should have done something." Bonnie said. "But Kim…she always comes ahead."

"Some of the time." Andrea said, "But Kim is…not as confident as she seemed at times. Do you remember the talent show." Bonnie flinched, involuntarily. Oh yes, she remembered it, or rather what her sisters had said after.

"Yah."

"Ron forced Kim to take part in it… she, well, you knew about her singing and for her, that was enough to… not try again." Andrea paused, "And that… Kim's a little more brittle than I think most people realize. She's not been beaten often, but the few times she was… well it took Ron to drag her back, kicking and screaming." She smiled, sadly. "And of course, what just happened, was a defeat… that most people could never recover from." She sighed, "I wish she had talked to Ron, but I think it was too terrible…maybe she was ashamed of her weakness, so she…" Bonnie ducked her gaze away from Kim's mother. She didn't have a right to see that expression. "Anyway." Dr. Possible said, slightly faster, "Anyway, post traumatic stress syndrome can't be solved by drugs—it's not a physical problem, it's a mental one." Bonnie blinked and actually realized she must be feeling better, because she was getting angry.

"You think I'm cra-"

"N_o._" Andrea said, her voice quiet but forceful. "Believe me, it's not a sign of insanity—and treating Post Traumatic Stress Disorder like that has done more damage than I care to think about… I'd love to get those Hollywood execs who thought _Rambo_ was a good idea…" Her voice trailed off briefly and then she continued, "It isn't insanity—it's a coping mechanism—the problem is, until recently our society…frowned on it. So, if you aren't allowed to work through it, well, pretty soon it expresses in some ugly ways."

"Like my nightmares?"

"No. Those are the ways we normally work through it- I was thinking of your fear of them leading to your sleeping around. That can easily turn into a self fulfilling prophecy—you need to sleep with someone or you get the nightmares so you do anything to not be alone, but that makes you feel more worthless, which _enhances_ the other problems, and so on—it's a downward spiral."

"Oh." Bonnie said. "Will they go away?"

"Yes… how soon…well, that's not something I can say, but I have to admit you seem to be sleeping better here." Bonnie nodded. Andrea smiled.

"Well then, you can help me fix breakfast for the twins… Jonathon won-I mean he probably will eat breakfast on the way back here from work." Bonnie didn't say anything about that.

Breakfast was… about like dinner had been. The Twins glared at her, or ignored her entirely and Andrea did her best to fill the silence. Andrea frowned at them, and mentioned that she would drop Bonnie off at school first. At that, the twins had the grace to look embarrassed. Bonnie just nodded. She'd come back home alone—she'd get her car from her house and drive back by herself. Dr. Possible didn't have to _make_ her come back, Bonnie thought—for all the nerves, last night had been a better sleep then she'd had since… She shook her head. She'd come back, that was certain.

* * *

A short and very quiet trip brought her to Middleton High, with the announcement board only giving meaningless notices—nothing like the screwball sayings it had had when Barkin had been there. Bonnie sighed at that. She guessed they'd never realized just how much slack Barkin had cut various aspects of the "official" school rules, for all of his gruffness—and how easily he'd kept control of the students without rubbing it in their faces.

They didn't have that now, and it showed. The corridors were more cluttered, dirtier, and there was a lot more bullying going on. Maybe it was Barkin's absence, maybe it was the fact that you didn't have to worry about running into a girl who knew more ways to hurt you than you cared to think of, but the bullies had rediscovered their power.

Or maybe it was something else. Bonnie shook her head. She didn't know. She couldn't even handle her _own_ life right now, so why was she trying to figure out how everyone else's life had been screwed up? She sighed, and went to her first class of the day.

The first part of the day, went well. Or at least sank on an even keel. There were giggles and jokes whispered behind her back, and a few girls walking past her suddenly started swaying their hips in an exaggerated parody of Bonnie's walk. Bonnie gritted her teeth and ignored them.

Which wasn't easy to do, but when you were the loser of the school, what other options did you have? Bonnie had managed to completely smash her place in the social hierarchy of the school in a few weeks, that much was plain. Most of her former cronies now avoided her like the plague... or they were the ones giggling.

When she came into the gym, the others were already getting set up for practice. Bonnie walked to her place, nodding at Tara, who alone of the girls seemed to treat her like nothing had happened.

Her best friend, Tara. Maybe if she'd talked to her… Tara had certainly never understood why Bonnie and Kim didn't get along. Maybe she was her only friend at school, especially given that Brick wouldn't be back for at least another day.

On the other hand… Tara probably didn't need it right now. She was the new team captain, and well, the abrupt transition had hurt the team. That last thing the team needed was Bonnie playing head games with their captain right before practice.

The cheer practice went agonizingly slowly—she intended to talk to Tara after it, but Bonnie had no idea what she was going to say. But she had to talk to her. Tara had been her best friend, and Tara's cutting remark, even retracted _burned_.

Because maybe it had been true. Kim had picked her, out of all the kids at school. Many of them had bothered Kim, but not like this.

Maybe because in her deranged state, Kim only saw enemies…but evidently Bonnie had counted as far more of an Enemy than anyone else she could get to.

And Mr. Barkin, Ron and Shego had had to put themselves in Kim's way to stop her. None of them had any reason to help her…Well, maybe Mr. Barkin, because she was a student, but _Ron?

* * *

_

_Kim grabbed Ron, and threw him through the front window, the thunder adding to the sound of the shattering glass. Her smile was fixed, crazed…_

"_I'll be back in a moment." She said, as she moved to follow him…and then Shego was there attacking her…and losing.

* * *

_

When the practice came to an end, Bonnie waited, surprisingly nervously for Tara to get finished talking to some of the other cheerleaders about parts of their routine. She'd talk to her last. She might not want any witnesses for this.

So, it was that Bonnie lurked in the locker room, waiting until Tara came in…when a hand grabbed her by her hair and pulled her around on row of lockers. Bonnie was stunned, frozen, as she was slammed up against them, the breath whooshing out of her.

And then she found herself looking into the very, VERY angry eyes of Kim's friend Monique.

"I've been waiting to talk to you girlfriend." Monique said in a calm tone Bonnie didn't mistake for anything but furious. "And I think I'm going to LIMTY…" She smiled, "Like it more than you." She filled in, drawing one hand back and making a fist. Bonnie had a feeling that Monique was right about that one.

TBC.


	8. Chapter 8

Just a note: going with shorter chapters, to reduce the time between chapters. Also, for those who do not know, Kim Possible HAS been renewed for a 4th season.

* * *

"Only chance to avoid that pretty face getting _really_ bruised up, Bon-Bon…" Monique said, her bared teeth impossible to mistake for a smile. "…Is to tell me what the hell happened to Kim, and what you did to her."

"I…" Bonnie stopped paralyzed. Her snark completely deserted her as she stared at Monique's enraged face.

"Well? I'm waiting, and _you_ are running out of time, Bonnie." Monique said, and suddenly, with far more strength than Bonnie would have expected, swung the cheerleader around to slam her up against the other side of the constrained space between the lockers, the locks and doors rattling under her impact.

"I…" Bonnie was still trying to say something, anything.

"I saw you show up with Kim's mom, Bonnie. What's that? Another plan? Kim's not here so you're going to start on her family? They're _Hurting._" She didn't give Bonnie any time to say anything as she continued. "And what did you do to Kim, anyway? Nobody's talking, but Kim's gone, Ron's Gone, Barkin's Gone, and my friends at the hospital said they brought them all in—and Kim was in a straitjacket! _You_ just had to have a little shot to steady your nerves and went home…and now you've been celebrating with every guy in school!" Monique's voice was scaling up in volume.

_No, it wasn't like that, it wasn't like that._ Bonnie's brain gibbered.

"I know everyone thinks it was what happened to her, but I bet _you_ had something to do with it." She said, "You saw that Kim was hurting and down, and you just couldn't resist the temptation…oh, I heard about that little crying run out of the gym girl. It looked reeaaalllll Good. But, It. Didn't. Fool. Me!" And now Monique hauled back and punched Bonnie in the face, the other girl only barely managing to turn her head so it landed on her cheek instead of directly on her nose.

Bonnie fell over the dressing bench, her arms up, taking Monique's punches, before she got a little distance and started frantically scrabbling back away from the enraged girl. Bonnie had never really fought that much—she preferred to win her fights in other ways, and in any case, not many people had ever seriously attacked her. Now it was two in a single month.

_And both have a good reason to do it._ A little voice whispered through her panic.

"You like this girl?" Monique shouted, "We're not even getting started yet."

"No. You're finished." Another voice came in the girl's locker room, and Monique squalled as a series of metal tentacles reached out and held her, gently but irresistibly.

"LET ME GO! LET ME GET THAT BITCH!" Monique bellowed, and Bonnie saw moisture in her eyes. "She was behind this!" The owner of the tentacles, now revealed to be Felix, rolled into the formerly sacrosanct precincts of the girls locker room and shook his head.

"You don't know that, Monique."

"Bull!" She snarled. "Who's dedicated her life to wrecking Kim's?"

"No, I…I didn't…" Bonnie's words failed before Felix's gaze. He wasn't here for her, Bonnie knew, and the look in his eyes shriveled her soul. They were the eyes of someone looking on a particularly unpleasant heap of garbage. Monique strained at her bonds.

"Monique. No." Felix repeated.

"Give me one good reason."

"Because she isn't worth it." Felix said, looking at Bonnie in undisguised contempt. His eyes slid off of her, as Felix turned back to Monique. "She isn't _worth_ it." He said again. "You know her little games." He turned Monique to face him and when she started to speak, Felix held his hand to her lips. "I know." He said, softly. "But Monique, do you want to wreck things even worse for _this_?" He didn't look back at Bonnie, but his tone made what he was talking about clear.

"But…"

"Kim wouldn't like it." Felix continued, and Bonnie saw Monique flinch back like she'd been hit. "You know that." Felix said. He gave a soft laugh, "Hell, _Ron_ wouldn't even like it and she gave him more grief than she did Kim."

"But what…what if they're…" Monique didn't, couldn't, complete the sentence.

"They're not." Felix said. "If they were, we would have heard about it. I bet Ron took Kim somewhere… you know him. Can you imagine him _not_ protecting Kim when it came down to it?" Monique didn't say anything and then her voice, much more fragile, sounded in the empty room.

"No…" Monique started to tremble, as Felix let her down, releasing the tentacles. She ducked her head, but Felix had a Kleenex in one of his hands, that Monique took blindly.

"But we should…we should have helped her. _I_ should have helped her." She paused, "I should have realized… I was her BGF…"

"And I was her friend to." Felix said, "And I missed, it. We all did. Even her parents…I guess Ron didn't…" He paused, and looked at the wall, eyes seeming to see something beyond it. "And I hope wherever they are, that he managed to help her." He sighed. "C'mon. Let's get out of here. There's nothing _worthwhile_," He stressed to word, "to do here."

"O…okay." Monique said, suddenly no longer a scary woman, just a girl Bonnie's age, seemingly needing to support herself by holding one of Felix's hands as they left the room, not sparing a single glance for the girl on the floor.

* * *

Bonnie didn't do anything for long minutes, body trembling in reaction on the locker room floor. She hadn't done what Monique thought. She hadn't set Kim up…

Or had she? If she'd been a little nicer, or even just ignored Kim…would Kim have come for her? What if Kim's drug fueled paranoia had been _because_ of Bonnie—or if Bonnie had just been the last straw.

Would Kim have gone for help, instead of going to kill her?

But she _hadn't_ just needed a little shot to steady the nerves, and Monique didn't know what she was talking about if she thought Bonnie had been _celebrating_ with the men she'd gone with.

_Oh really? And I suppose you've given her so much reason to believe that?_ The voice in her head was mocking. _Remember when Ron was rich? Oh yes, I'm certain **everyone** believes that you can't have ulterior motives after that little show…_ Bonnie shook her head and moaned.

"Bonnie?" A voice. Tara's voice. "Jesus, what happened here.'

"I…fell." Bonnie said.

"Are you hurt?" Tara said, pulling Bonnie up off the ground.

"No." Bonnie said, and as Tara turned in opened her locker, Bonnie paused, and then started speaking.

"Tara…"

"Yeah?" Tara asked, her voice no longer concerned, but closed.

"Um…I really haven't been paying too much attention…what are people saying about… everything." Tara looked back at Bonnie and then turned back to her locker.

"You don't want to know."

"Yes… I do." She said.

"Find someone else to tell you." Tara continued. Bonnie reached out, suddenly desperate.

"Tara…you're my best friend. Tell me…please?" Tara whipped around and glared at Bonnie.

"Best friend? Are you sure? Or are you just trying to build up a new posse?" Bonnie recoiled from Tara, the cheerleader's words hurting as Monique's fists had not.

"I… yes." Bonnie said, "You're my best friend…and you'll…be honest. _Please?_" Tara looked at her, and sighed and sat down on the bench. Bonnie remembered that Tara could never stay angry at anyone…hold a grudge worth a damn. She'd always thought it was a weakness, a way she could play Tara when she needed to.

Now, on the other side of the fence, she realized why Tara had never _lacked_ for friends. Never had to work at _making_ them her friends, the way Bonnie had.

"OK, Bonnie, here we go." Tara started.

TBC.


	9. Chapter 9

Sometimes you don't like what you see...

* * *

"A lot of people are saying that you finally got even with Kim, but she found out about it and went after you."

"I…" Bonnie shook her head.

"Some are saying that you set her up with that guy, but like usual, nobody can connect it to you." Tara now looked at Bonnie, and she could see that Tara was more than halfway convinced that those rumors had a seed of truth in them.

_No. Not Tara. Please. _

"Well?"

"What?"

"Did you?" Bonnie could have once parried that with a snark or a comment about how if little miss perfect Kimberly Ann Possible was so wonderful, what did _she_ have to fear from _Bonnie. _

"_No!"_ Bonnie's raised voice surprised her. "I never- I mean, I would never…" She trailed off.

"Okay." Tara said. "I didn't think you would do something like that." Bonnie's spirits rose, "But there are other stories, and I…" She paused and continued. "You set the whole bursting into tears thing up, that you're just waiting long enough to take back the cheer team, like you've always wanted to. You're sleeping around with people because you're celebrating and with Kim gone you don't have to pretend to be anything other than a slut." Bonnie winced. "Or, you just didn't figure that Kim was going to come after you when she realized what you had done, so you really were freaked…." Tara didn't say anything for a few minutes, and Bonnie almost started to speak when her friend started talking again, her voice flat and without inflection.

"Or like Monique says, now that Kim's gone, you're going to take her _family_ away from her—so that if she ever comes back she'll see you camped out in her room. Someone from the hospital told Monique about you staying with the Possible's…_Is it true?_" Her last question came in a tone Bonnie had never heard from Tara before in her life.

"It is." Bonnie said. "Not the part about…about taking anything away from Kim, but Tara… I… I can't _sleep_ alone, not without… I just can't." Bonnie finished, "And when Mom's gone, and Connie and Lonnie leave, I… Dr. Possible said I could stay with her, to see if it would get rid of the nightmares…if it doesn't, I'll have…have to go on some kind of drugs."

"And you're not doing this to get at Kim."

"_No._"

"I don't know if I believe you." Tara quietly said, "But I guess it's also my fault. I shouldn't have kept quiet all this time."

"No… I mean, I'm telling the truth!" Tara looked at her, and Bonnie saw the doubt in her eyes, and suddenly she desperately wished Tara would leave, because she just wanted to hide in the corner and cry.

"Oh really? So you didn't try and make Kim's life a hell?"

"I-" And a big hand seemed to grab Bonnie by the throat and shut her up.

_Why shouldn't I? Little miss perfect, always doing things to mess with **me.**_ But the old justifications seemed to be so… petty. The anger in Monique's eyes, the _contempt_ in Felix's… the doubt in her friend…her _best_ friend's eyes….

"Yes." Bonnie said. Looking down at the concrete floor, unable to meet her friends eyes…for fear of what she might see in them.

"And Ron's? The Looser?" Tara's voice now had a bite in it. "It took him saving us all from that thing at Wannaweep for you to even be nice to him for a minute… well, except when he had money."

"Yes." She said. Tara blinked, and looked down at her.

"So what happened." Tara said. "The truth."

"I… I promised the police I wouldn't tell." Bonnie answered.

"Fine." Tara said, turning to go. "Same old Bonni-"

"Tara…_wait._" Bonnie said, desperately. "I'll tell you, but you can't tell _anyone_ else, not your mom, not anyone else on the cheer squad, not _anybody._" Tara paused, and Bonnie looking at her, saw her give a short nod.

"Not anyone." Tara said.

"Ever." Bonnie answered, "Not unless…. Kim comes back and tells you you can."

"…. Fine." Tara said, "Not anyone." Bonnie nodded. Tara never had lied to her.

Which was more than Bonnie could say for herself.

"Kim…" Bonnie shuddered, a rush of memories coming back to her. "She was _sick_ Tara…she didn't get over what had happened."

"Yeah, as if anyone could have, at least right away." Bonnie paused, then looked at Tara.

"But we all thought she would, didn't you?" It was Tara's turn to look down.

"I thought… I thought that she was… going to get better. It would just take time." The blonde answered. "She _got_ better…"

"No…" Bonnie said, softly, "She was taking drugs to go to sleep and to stay awake, because…because she had nightmares." Bonnie was looking beyond Tara, beyond the confines of the locker room, seeing a storm filled night. "And according to Mr. Barkin, they… they reacted. She thought everyone was out to get her, and she came to my hou-" Bonnie couldn't continue for a few minutes, and just closed her eyes, struggling to regain some control, "To kill me. But Mr. Barkin, Ron and Shego were there. They stopped her. I didn't see the whole fight, but they were _all_ hurt…it was like she didn't _feel_ pain, Tara."

"And then?" Bonnie looked around, double checking the room.

"Shego and Ron kidnapped Kim." Tara's eyes widened.

"Some people said that Kim had left, and the news said she'd kidnapped R_on_, but I figured it was just, you know, some kind of… plan." Bonnie shook her head.

"No. And you know how they're not talking about Ron? I think he had a lot more to do with it." Tara didn't look surprised.

"Everybody always underestimates Ron." She said. "What happened to Mr. Barkin."

"I don't know." Bonnie said. "He was gone the next day."

"I wish he was here." Tara said. "I wish they were all here."

"Yeah." Bonnie said. Tara turned to leave.

"Tara…"

"Yes?"

"Are we…"

"OK?" Tara asked, and Bonnie saw her friends normally forgiving eyes look at her, hard and cold. "Not in a million years, Bonnie. Maybe I'll change my mind, but right now, I'm _pissed_ at you. Maybe you _didn't_ have anything to do with this…but you sure didn't spare the horses making her life miserable before, did you. Did you ever think the reason she didn't come to anyone was because she might be afraid of what _you_ would do?" Tara's voice was not loud, but there was steel in it, steel that Bonnie had never thought she would have heard from her closest friend. "Kim's nuts, so maybe we'd better not have her on the cheer team, or maybe 'oh Kim, how's the head shrink going?'" She paused, "You may not have meant to do this, or deliberately _done_ this…but guess what Bonnie? You _did_ help make it as bad is it was." She looked at Bonnie, her gaze suddenly very Felix like. "I don't think we should talk except at cheer practice… until I've…had a chance to think about things." She turned from the locker room and walked out, back straight.

"Tara…"

Bonnie should get to her car, a part of her brain thought, but right now… she slid back down to the cold floor and started sobbing.

* * *

Bonnie didn't get back to the Possible's house until later, after she'd had a chance to fix up her face so it didn't look like she'd been crying. She didn't have enough makeup to solve the problem of the slowly spreading bruise on the side of her face, but she had a solution to that.

"Bonnie? What happened?" Dr. Possible said.

"After cheerleading, I moved too fast in the locker room, slipped and hit my cheek on the door." She said, without a hint of doubt.

_Good._ Suddenly, Bonnie found Andrea's fingers on her face, turning the cheek to face the doctor more fully, and then, before she could do anything, Dr. Possible took her arms, and Bonnie looked down and barely managed to suppress her gasp at the fact that she was _also_ getting bruises down there. Bonnie had forgotten about how she'd used her forearms to protect herself from Monique.

"Uh..hmmm…." Andrea said, "Bonnie dear?"

"Yes?"

"I worked my way through medical school…as an EMT." Bonnie blinked, "A paramedic." Andrea continued. "You would be surprised at how many women…had the same kind of bad luck with doors…. Or hit them with their arms." She looked at Bonnie, "This _is_ going to be the _last_ time you have that kind of bad luck, or I'll talk to the school authorities about…their door problem."

"I…understand."

"Good. I let things go with Kim too long. Never again, Bonnie. Never again."

TBC

* * *

Author comments:

Thanks to all the reviewers. Yes, we are being mean to Bonnie...but she's kinda _earned_ it, in some respects. Still, this is a vital link between the Bonnie we saw in Buried and the one we see in Senior Year.


	10. Chapter 10

Ups and Downs

* * *

Note: In some states Bonnie driving the twins without an adult in the car would be illegal, so I'm assuming that for the sake of the story, and in a universe where giant nanotech fusion robots can drop by, that this is legal.

* * *

_Paranoia strikes deep  
Into your life it will creep  
It starts when you're always afraid  
You step out of line, the man come and take you away  
_-Buffalo Springfield For What It's Worth.

* * *

The night passed… like the first on had, and Bonnie woke up, to find Dr. Possible there. This time, they talked of less consequential matters. What Bonnie liked to watch, what Dr. Possible liked to watch.

_Mom…why couldn't you.._ Bonnie shut off the thought. It wasn't fair, because her mom was _letting_ her stay here, but mom would have been full of questions, desperately trying to solve the problem fast, no matter how desperately Bonnie didn't want to talk about it. On the other hand, Mom wasn't a doctor, and Dr. Possible probably had experience at this sort of thing.

That morning, Bonnie found herself dragooned into taking the twins to their school. Dr. Possible had to go to the hospital early for an ethics hearing, and from the way the older woman was fidgeting, Bonnie was safely certain it wasn't one where she was being called on as a judge.

Jim and Tim were glaring at her as they sat in the back seat of her car. Bonnie adjusted the mirror and sighed.

"Ready guys?"

"Yeah." The answer came back with the same enthusiasm that was last seen when an inmate was led to his execution.

"OK." Bonnie said, and resolved to check her brake lines before she drove home that afternoon. After dropping the twins off, Bonnie headed out to her school, parking and heading in to her first class of the day.

* * *

Tara was good at her word, not bothering to acknowledge Bonnie as she sat down for class. Nearly half a dozen students wandered in late, not even being sneaky about it. The administration had decided that Barkin's policies had been far too unforgiving… with predictable results.

Bonnie continued the day, speaking as little as possible. She was suddenly aware of just how comforting having a flock of cronies around could be, and had a momentary surge at anger at how they had abandoned her.

_Well, except when he had money._ Tara's voice came into her mind. Yeah. She was one to get angry about disloyalty. Brick didn't have the same classes she did, so she spent the day working alone.

Fortunately, it was a short day, and Bonnie would have some time before she had to get the twins, but that left her with time to herself. She'd see if she could find Brick and…

What?

Scream at him for telling on her?

Thank him for telling on her?

Bonnie shook her head.

Lost in her thoughts, Bonnie didn't notice the fact that the other students had left, or that she was alone…or the fact that she was no _longer_ alone.

"Hey Bon-Bon…" She turned and looked at the owner of the voice.

Oh God. Those three. The first three boys she'd agreed to…

Let paw her. Her skin crawled at the looks they gave her. She'd managed to enforce the fact that she kept her underwear on, but she remembered the clumsy grabbing at her breasts and ass. They did as well, that was obvious.

"What?" She said, standing up and trying not to let on how aware she was suddenly that she was alone and they were boxing her in.

"Are you gonna be…staying with us?"

"No." Bonnie said. "I'm staying with the Possible's, so I don't need to stay with you, and that's all we need to say."

"Are you certain?" One said, as they moved in, until she could barely move.

"Yes, and get out of my face." Bonne said, and tried to move forward, but they pushed her against the lockers. Her face went pale.

"_Really_, certain?" The center individual said, "I have a few cell phone pictures…"

"I don't care, now get out of my way." Bonnie snarled. If they tried to stop her….

She'd kick the center one in the balls and head for the exit, screaming at the top of her lungs. A voice interrupted them all.

"I think you're going to give me that phone." Brick's voice came. Bonnie had never _heard_ him so threatening. His normally open face gave…nothing away. Nothing at all. Bonnie had no idea how long he'd been standing there.

"Um…" Her three antagonists backed off, and the center kid handed Brick his phone. Brick looked at it, and then dropped it, smashing it into fragments under his foot.

"_Hey!_ That's my—glk!" Brick casually hoisted the owner up with one hand, and slammed him against the wall, and smiled. Or exposed his teeth, at least.

"I don't want to go to jail." Brick said, "So I hope those pictures don't appear…because if they do, even if you didn't have anything to do with it, I'm going to put you into the hospital…for a long, long time. Clear?"

"Uh-huh…" He said, while the other two looked at Brick, paralyzed.

"And you're not going to tell stories about Bonnie, or talk to her, anymore, are you?"

"Uh…no Brick!" Brick didn't smile, as he lowered him back to the floor.

"Good. Get lost." The three didn't stick around for clarification, as they vanished.

"Are you OK, Bonnie?" Bonnie _hated_ showing weakness, and she had a brief thought of telling Brick she'd had things in hand. But she was still pale, and yes, she'd been scared.

It was getting to be a pretty…. Normal feeling for her. But to admit it…

"Um, yeah, now. Thanks." She said, her voice uncommonly soft.

"Can we talk?" Brick asked. Bonnie paused, looked at him, at the empty corridor, at her hands, and then put them together, so that he couldn't see the way they trembled.

"Yeah." Bonnie said, "I have a while before I have to pick up the Twins… I mean the Dr. Possible's kids."

"Oh." Brick said, "Um. How's that going?" He asked, clearly uncomfortable as Bonnie and he left the inside of the school. There were a few kids about, but very few clubs were meeting and even many of the teachers had taken off.

"It's…going pretty good." Bonnie quietly replied.

"I… I told them." Brick said. "I mean, not everything, but I…"

"I know."

Brick looked over to where his bike and Bonnie's car sat, and then sat down on the steps. He sighed.

"I'm…not sorry. I mean, I'm sorry if it screwed things up, um, between us, but I'm not sorry I did it."

"Why not?" Bonnie asked. _How long has it been since you actually talked to Brick_? She wondered, _Really_ _talked. _

"Well…'cause I couldn't figure out what else to do." Brick said, honestly, "I'm not that smart, so I figured Dr. Possible _is_."

"Oh." Bonnie said. _Well, score one for Brick._

"Do you think I… had anything to do with it?"

"Naw." Brick said. "Oh, yeah, Kim and you didn't get along, and that's probably why she went after you, but deliberately? Nah. My dad told me about a guy that was hopped up on PCP—and it took five cops to hold him down and he was going after a guy he barely knew because the guy was 'sending radio signals into his head'." Brick shrugged, "I figure something like that happened to Kim."

"Oh." Bonnie said. "Why…why didn't you talk to me."

"You didn't want to talk, you wanted to screw, remember?" Brick said, ahint of annoyance in his voice. "You said: 'I don't want to see you try to think, Brick.'" Bonnie winced.

"Sorry."

"Yeah. I'm not that smart…" He said. "But I try."

"You're…not dumb, I mean."

"Sure I am, Bonnie." Brick quietly said. "You know me—tutoring sessions after school, extra help from Mr. Barkin and all that to keep a 2.5 average." He shrugged. "That's why I pounded Stoppable."

"What?" Bonnie asked in surprise. Kim had never said anything about _that_.

"Remember when I thought Kim wanted to date me?"

"Oh, then." Bonnie answered, suppressing a flare of annoyance at the image.

"Yeah, Stoppable was trying to get on the newspaper, so he wanted to find out who got our grades for us." Brick's hands twitched. "Stoppable was asking _me…_ He can do the work, you know that, Bonnie."

"Um, yeah." Bonnie said.

"So, here's a guy who could get straight "A's" only he doesn't want to take the time…telling me all my work's just a cute trick so someone else can cheat for me. They're only C's, but I _earned_ them." Brick said, angrily.

_I don't think I've ever seen him so pissed… at something someone pulled on him, that is._

"Oh." Bonnie didn't know what else to say.

"So, yeah, Dr. Possible was the only person I could think of." He paused, "How is she?"

"Um… fine, I guess, given…you know, everything."

"Yeah. Will you be staying there?"

"When Mom's not home, yeah."

"Okay…Can I call?"

"I'd…have to ask, I guess." Bonnie wasn't certain how Dr. Possible would react.

"That'd be cool." Brick said, and got up. "Well, I'd better head on out."

"Yeah, I… I should probably get over to get the twins, just in case they let out early."

"Yeah…" Brick got up and headed to his bike. Bonnie stood behind him, looking nervous. For a moment it looked like she would turn and head to her car, but then.

"Um…Brick?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you pissed at me… I mean like everyone else is?" Brick paused, and Bonnie felt her heart shudder.

"Nah Bonnie. I'm not pissed." He turned and grinned, "You're just having a bad game, that's all."

_I wish it was all._

"Tha-thanks, Brick." Bonnie said.

"No problem…" He grinned and waved as he headed out of the parking lot. Bonnie waited a moment, then headed for her car and drove out after him.

_A bad game?_ _You could say that._ Bonnie shook her head in bemusement. Trust Brick to use a sports analogy.

* * *

She was nearly in a good mood when she drove into the parking lot of the twins school. The school was letting out, but no twins. Bonnie blinked.

_Oh God, don't let them have headed home because I was late. _A moment later, _If_ _they did, I'll _kill_ them._

Bonnie headed into the office to check there. Maybe they were just doing something in class. When she opened the door, she came to a dead stop. There was her old principal… Ms. Kuma. There were the twins. With black eyes and an icepack for Tim's cheek and a bundle of napkins for Jim's bloody nose. They were all looking at her, and all Bonnie could think was:

_Oh No. _

TBC.


	11. Chapter 11

Twin Problems.

* * *

"_What happened?_" Bonnie said, perhaps a little louder than she intended. That caused the secretary to look up at her.

"So." Ms. Kuma said, "Jim and Tim were correct, that you were coming to pick them up. Do you know why I can't reach their mother?"

"She's at a hearing or something at the hospital." Bonnie said, mind on autopilot. "If it's in the main building, they probably don't have their celphones on."

"Indeed." Ms. Kuma paused, and looked at Bonnie and Bonnie suddenly felt herself regressing to ten again. "Jim, Tim, you stay out here. Ms. Rockwallar, please come with me." Bonnie didn't hesitate, and followed the older woman obediently into her office. Ms. Kuma sat down behind her desk and Bonnie stood before it, remembering an unfortunate incident with a water balloon several years before.

"Sit down, Bonnie." She said, peering through her glasses at the teenager.

"You know I'm not supposed to release them to you. " She said, "Normally it might not be a problem, but after a fight…and you're not on the emergency contact list…unfortunately, I can't _get_ anyone on the emergency contact list." _On the other hand, you've been getting into fights yourself. _She could see where the younger girl had tried to disguise the bruise on her cheek. Should she? For a moment Kuma considered refusing to release the twins, but then shook her head slightly and went with her initial decision.

"What happened?" Bonnie started, and looking at Kuma shook her head. "Sorry, I'm not allowed to know, am I."

"In this case, you are." Bonnie blinked.

"Not being able to contact the parents is something I should… take note of."

_Oh God. _

"But I'm not, in this case, although I am sending a note home with you Bonnie… Several children were making jokes about Jim and Tim's sister, and they… took offense."

"They were teased?" Kuma shook her head.

"No. Just the typical things young children say, especially when they're not really aware of the entire situation. I think they were quite surprised."

"It didn't seem to keep them from fighting." Bonnie said.

"That's what happens when two kids decide to attack twelve."

"Ouch."

"Yes." She paused, "Now, if you'd care to enlighten me…why can't I contact their _father_?"

"I Um… I don't know. He does all kind of stuff at the space center…"

"He's not there." The older woman mentioned.

_What? But Dr. Possible had said…_ Bonnie had had practice at this, and no sign of her thoughts leaked through.

"I guess he may be on some kind of mission." She replied, all the while cursing the fact that she didn't _know_ anything. Oh well, play it stupid and _don't_ get tied up in some complex story. "I don't really know, though."

"So I take it he hasn't been at the house since you've been staying there."

"No."

"Ah." Kuma looked out at the front lawn of the school, beyond the window.

"Bonnie." She said, paused, and then continued, "I think you need to tell Dr. Possible, that Children's Protective Services has been… requesting any information about problems with the Possible twins."

"_What_, I mean, there aren't any, an-"

"_Bonnie._" Bonnie shut up, "You couldn't keep secrets from me when you were a student here, and you haven't gotten any better. I know there's a problem, _you_ know there's a problem." She paused, "But you have to tell their mother, Bonnie, that there are those who feel that it would be best if Jim and Tim were placed with a more… stable family. I've heard mention of Jonathon's brother, apparently." Bonnie went cold. She didn't know how she knew, but if there was anything that would destroy Jonathon and Andrea Possible, taking their last two children away would be it. No question. Evidently Kuma knew it too, from the look on her face. The older woman sighed.

"This is unfair to you, Bonnie." Bonnie looked up at her, and the principal smiled tiredly, "I've kept in contact with your mother Bonnie, and until recently, Ms. Possible. I know...that you have had some difficulties dealing with what happened and that you're staying with Dr. Possible." She paused, "You shouldn't be dealing with this. Not right now, not when you need to concentrate on…" Bonnie shook her head.

"I'm ok." She said. Kuma shook her head.

"That's what you said whenever you finished crying in the bathroom after your sisters had teased you."

_What, how, nobody knew-_

"I didn't say anything about it, because… well, I think it would have been worse if you'd have known I knew…but we're not all blind and deaf."

"I…thanks for not saying anything. Connie and Lonnie would never had let me hear the end of it if they'd known." Amazing, Bonnie thought. Her voice was steady.

"I know. But Bonnie…everyone needs help, sometimes. I can't keep ignoring problems with the twins, and if it gets to the wrong ears, or gets noticed officially…"

"I… I'll." Suddenly Bonnie's face firmed, "I'll talk with Jim and Tim and try and find out what's going on." She paused, "But I don't know if I can tell you… Dr. Possible…she's helped me, I can't go around spying on her…"

"I'm not asking you to." Kuma said. "In fact, I'm legally obligated to report some things, so it might be a good idea if I _don't_ get told everything… but Bonnie, you may have to tell someone. Don't make Kim's mistake."

"I… OK." Bonnie nodded, and left, leaving Kuma sitting alone in her office. Mrs.Kuma sighed. Despite the twins natural tendencies towards chaos, she liked them, and to see their personal torment… she shook her head. It had happened too often, to see children suffering, unable to help them.

Like Bonnie. She'd tried to help Bonnie, but over the years, had watched as the armor she'd already shielded herself with had hardened into iron and crystal. Dropping friends who were not "cool", not because of some fad, but because Bonnie would never be left on the outside, or out of control, to the point that she had never, ever let anyone see her cry… at least when she knew they were around.

And now? Kuma could see the fear and confusion behind Bonnie's eyes. Somewhere, the movie had gone off script.

Off script for everyone. The good guys were supposed to _win._ Sighing she set to work. There'd be eyes on her report of the fight, not all of them friendly. So, she'd best dredge up her best doublespeak, since a fight _hadn't_ occurred, but some "high spirits that got out of hand." had.

* * *

Bonnie didn't say anything after she told the twins to follow her to her car, and drove in her typical, controlled, perfectly legal way. The twins didn't say anything until Bonnie stopped, pulling into the Possible's driveway, and getting them inside. Their mom wasn't there.

_Not yet? How long did that hearing last?_

"What happened?" She asked.

"We're supposed to tell mom." Jim said in a cold voice.

"Yeah, and you're telling me first." Bonnie paused, "Because I don't think your mom needs to hear this without some… rehearsal." _Because you'll never tell me if you think I'm just being nosy._

"The other kids were talking about Sis." Tim said, angrily. Then they both shut up. The silence stretched.

_Okaaaayyyy._ Bonnie waited. She was about to start talking when suddenly Jim spoke in a tiny voice.

"It wasn't our fault. They were lying."

_Lying? Lying about what?_ Then Bonnie noticed that both the boys had moisture pooling in their battered eyes. Then there was a quiet, resisted hitched breath from Jim. They were getting ready to cry.

_Um._ _Crap. What am I supposed to do?_ Annoyance. _God, **I'm** having problems, why are you dropping other people into my lap?_ There was no answer. Bonnie sighed. _Dr. Possible isn't here. She took you in. Stayed up so she could wake you up if you had a nightmare. What's _that _worth?_ Bonnie waited, but it looked like this time she was going have to prompt.

"Um, about what?"

"Our tricks _didn't_ make Kim go crazy." That was followed by a hitch that nearly burst out into a full throated bawl. Bonnie looked at them, and knew the feeling. Agony warring against the fear of humiliation.

* * *

"_Well." Bonnie's sister Lonnie said to her. "I guess we know how much 12 years of ballet practice worked for you…you can get beaten by a naked rat and a nerd." She walked to the door, where she had followed her younger sister in, obviously to get another dig in. "Mom's out, and I won't be back… I'm going to have some fun…why don't you think of how to tell her the Rockwaller record is broken."_

_I will not cry. Bonnie thought, her insides ice. I will not cry in front of her. That is what she wants. She's nothing to me. Bonnie thought, from where she lay on her side, on the couch, the newly cleaned swan costume getting crumpled against the fabric of the couch. _

"_And I hope you'll figure out how to explain to her why she wasted her time cleaning that open spot on the mantle. What you'll say, I can't imagine." Her sister laughed as the door closed behind her, leaving Bonnie in the room, the clock ticking, her celphone off. She had planned to go celebrate with Brick. She hadn't even told him she wasn't going anywhere, just pushed out of the building blindly, after seeing Connie and Lonnie frowning at her, with contempt. Their sister. Her sisters had shown up in the audience, and she had wanted to show them that she was just as good as they were… and had proven the opposite. They'd felt the need to _tell _her that that they'd shown up… to see her fail. Like they knew she would._

_I will not sob. She thought, the tears slowly trickling out onto the cheerful white and blue of the swan costume. I will not make any noise. If I don't make any noise, they can't hear me, and they won't come back and mock me again. _

_That lasted for a while, but as the clock ticked away the minutes, it was joined by slow, choked, sobs, unwillingly wrung from her throat. _

TBC.


	12. Chapter 12

Condition of Fear.

* * *

Bonnie stood, paralyzed. Jim and Tim were… well, not handling things well right about now.

"We…we didn't _mean_ to get her…"

_What Can I say? What can **I** say?_ _That it isn't their fault? That it isn't **my** fault?_ Bonnie felt cast adrift. What _were_ you supposed to do? She'd never been in the position to comfort anyone—even Tara knew better than to come to Bonnie for _that_, and her sisters certainly never comforted her. She doubted her mother's approach of exploding into blubbering helplessness would be overly useful either.

"What idiots said _that?_ Bonnie's voice surprised her.

"The others." Jim said.

"What if they were right?" Tim asked. "We'd played a trick on her right before she… vanished." Bonnie didn't say anything to that. She wondered if the parents had told them exactly _what_ had happened.

"Um." Bonnie paused. She'd been thinking about her role—it had never occurred to her that others might feel the same way.

"Look." Bonnie said, "Kim got angry at you guys, I know, because I heard it." Jim and Tim looked like they were about to crumple. "But she never said anything other than that she really l-liked you." She paused, "And she got _really_ pissed if anyone else make jokes about you, so I don't think you had anything to do with what happened. She had plenty of _real_ enemies to do that."

_Like me?_

"Oh." The two said. That hadn't helped much. They were still trying to not cry, looking at the door in dread. "We…" Jim paused, sniffled, and continued manfully. "Shouldn't have done that, gotten in the fight. Mom shouldn't have to worry about us."

"We shouldn't cry in front of her." Tim said. Bonnie wasn't certain if that was some stupid pre-pubescent male ego thing or their genius, but she had to admit Dr. Possible probably _didn't_ need that. Only having the two sitting looking like a pair of incipient tear fountains…

She would never have felt that way about her sisters. Bonnie went, not cold, at the thought, but suddenly, she felt… she didn't know. Loss? How could it be? She'd never _experienced _it.

But what would it have been like to have had sisters that loved her, and she loved, like Jim, Tim and Kim obviously had.

_But look how badly it hurt them._ Her hind brain whispered. _You never have to worry about being hurt like that._ But the normal comfort that came when she doubted her resolve…wasn't there this time.

Bonnie didn't know why, but suddenly she found herself sitting between the two Kids, arms around him, hugging them. It was…an odd sensation—not one she'd ever had before.

"Look. You're right—So I'll keep this secret. I have to tell her about the note, but none of this."

"_None?_" Jim asked, voice breaking.

"None." Bonnie said, as what she'd expected to happen, happened.

* * *

A few hours later, Dr. Possible came home. Bonnie disengaged from the twins who had fallen asleep—she figured they hadn't been sleeping any too well, and in any case, they'd pretty well cried themselves out, once they'd realized that Bonnie wasn't going to laugh at them.

_Stupid male thing._ She muttered to herself, primly ignoring the fact that she'd rather have her eyes gouged out than ever cry in front of her sisters. When she heard the front door, she turned to see...

"Dr. Possible?" Bonnie asked, in shock as she came over to the front entry way. The older woman looked like she had been crying, and her hands trembled as she put her purse on the counter of the kitchen.

"Yes, Bonnie?" Andrea said, and looked at her, eyes blinking.

_What happened?_ Suddenly, a horrible suspicion struck Bonnie.

"Is it…" She couldn't get the rest of the sentence out. Had Kim been found?

"No…nothing… I just, Um…" Andrea paused, "I've just been suspended from my duties at the hospital."

"_What?_" Bonnie barely lowered her voice in time. During career day, granted she'd been happy to tweak Kim about it, but she'd also been genuinely interested in the medicine, and how Dr. Possible had managed to allay her patients fears.

"They're still blaming you for K-"

"Not just that… I, ah, haven't been at my best, and I, made some, ahm…errors in prescribing drug treatments." She paused, "Given that Kim's problem was drug related, the hospital has decided to suspend my license prior to a hearing of the full state medical ethics committee."

"What…"

"I don't know, Bonnie." Andrea said, "They could suspend me…or revoke my license." As she said it, Bonnie suddenly realized that Andrea Possible had used the same tone for that last that a person might use to say "cut off my arms."

"How could they?" Bonnie said, more coldly furious than she'd been in a long while. They were doing this after everything that had happened to Kim, to her family?

"The hospital has a higher responsibility." Andrea said, "to their patients. I thought I was serving them, they disagreed…they…" She shook her head rapidly. Bonnie blinked at a sudden thought.

_Did you force them into this?_ Bonnie wondered. As a part of her Queen Bee role, she'd learned a lot more about how people and organizations worked—and many a student had talked himself into a _worse_ punishment because he'd refused to accept an easier one, forcing the teachers, even if they wanted to cut him a break, to hammer him. Had Dr. Possible refused to stop working, even when others were telling her she should? Was this a punishment they'd wanted to do…or something that they _had_ to do, because Dr. Possible had left them no other alternative.

_And now I have to, Oh God._

"Um. Dr. Possible…when I picked the twins up from School, Principal Kuma had a, message…um, for me to tell you." Bonnie then told it, in as calm a voice she could. Dr. Possible's face grew still, incredibly pale, like it had been carved from new ivory. It stayed that way until Bonnie got to Kuma's warning about Children's Protective Services, lowering her voice so that the twins couldn't hear. Dr. Possible shuddered, her eyes closed, swaying at that last message, and Bonnie thought she caught her lips forming the word "no."

"She um…" Bonnie stopped, at the look on Dr. Possible's face. She'd never seen a look like it before.

"Bonnie, I'm sorry…but I-I'll…talk to her tomorrow, or later, I just can't right… I just can't!" The last note was higher as Andrea Possible turned and headed for her bedroom, hands' running along the wall almost as if she'd been struck blind. Then she had the door opened and closed it, not quite a slam. Bonnie was certain she heard what sounded like weeping behind it.

Bonnie turned to Jim and Tim who had come up behind her, looking terrified and very young, and saw her own face in the mirror, nearly as pale as theirs.

"Wha…wha." Jim started, and Bonnie completed his question.

"What do we do?" She asked, "We get something to eat for you two, and…" She paused, "See if we can fix something for your mom when she comes out." She turned, and suddenly stopped. Stopped dead.

Her nightmares.

If Dr. Possible didn't come out….

_What will happen to me?

* * *

_

TBC.


	13. Chapter 13

Nighttime Thoughts

* * *

Bonnie found herself in the odd position of fixing dinner for the twins and _making_ them eat. She wasn't the greatest cook, but she could read instructions on a TV dinner…and from the looks of the refrigerator, TV dinners had been the meal of choice recently. She guessed that the meal she'd eaten had been something special. The twins weren't hungry, and still looked over at their mother's closed door, and towards the stairs to Kim's room.

_Their stunts drove Kim up the wall, but they do love her…_Bonnie thought, and a sudden dark thought hit her, _More than my sisters ever did me. _Bonnie sighed, and waited until the twins finished eat-well, picking at their meal. At that point they looked at her, and surprisingly, asked.

"Can we go to our room now?" Bonnie paused, and looked around, but Dr. Possible (either of them) didn't appear, so she nodded.

"Yeah… um, yeah, that'd be cool." The twins didn't ask twice and in moments, Bonnie was alone in the living room of the house. She cleaned up, talking extra time, trying to ignore the shiver that struck her every time she looked up towards Kim's room.

_Whatamigoingtodowhatamigoingtodo?_ Her brain started gibbering in a never ending refrain.

"Maybe I should just stay up?" Bonnie thought about that, and shuddered. She'd tried _that_ early on…and all that did was mean that when she crashed, she _really_ crashed…often unable to wake up. The pills did a little better…but she didn't have any of them. She bit her lip and gave a tiny moan. Go home? Nobody was there except her sisters.

And not just what would happen to her… Bonnie had been nervous about Dr. Possible, but what if Dr. Possible _didn't_ come out of her room tomorrow?

_What do I do? What do I **do?**_ Nobody would talk to her, at least not and keep the secret. Oh, she could talk to some teacher, but that would be breaking Dr. Possible's confidence…and besides… Bonnie's face twisted for a moment.

_They always tell you that telling the truth is so important…and then when they promise not to tell something you tell them, they turn around and lie…and seem to think it's better because 'it's for your own good'. _

Well not all. Dr. Possible was one of them. Maybe…maybe Mr. Dr. P? If she could ask the twins…. If they weren't asleep…. Bonnie headed towards their room and lightly tapped on the door.

"Mom?" The hope in that word was so great that for a moment Bonnie hated herself.

"No…just me."

"Oh…is something wrong?"

"Um…not really, but I was wandering…" She paused, after entering the door, seeing the Twins looking at her. They'd just been lying on their beds. She took a deep breath. "Do you have a contact number for your dad? Maybe…since your mom's upset, he could talk… you know." The expressions on their faces didn't reassure Bonnie.

_Oh. Crap. Did I step in it again?_

"Dad…hasn't been here for a while."

"He's working, right?" Bonnie said, with a sense of desperation she figured normally came with sinking into quicksand.

"That's…that's what mom says." Jim said. "Dad sees us… I mean he takes us to eat sometimes, but not with mom." Tim joined in.

"And he took a lot of clothes with him."

_Oh God._ Bonnie wanted to scream. Mr. Possible had _left_ his wife? No, impossible. That was what her father hand done—but not the Possible's. They had a perfect family life, not like her screwed up family. They'd never fall apart…

_Oh really? Notice what's been going on?_

"Well, um… he doesn't have any emergency contact numbers?"

"I…I don't know." Jim said. "Maybe he isn't coming back."

"Bull." Bonnie said, putting all of her skills into making that sound like she'd just heard Jim say the dumbest thing in history. "He's coming back." She shrugged, "Ok, I'll just ask Dr. Possible about it when I get up." She turned and left, trying not to shiver.

Later that night, Bonnie found herself laying in bed, looking up, trembling. She should…

_What? Scream? Not sleep?_

_Oh God. _She clenched her eyes shut, trying to ignore the terror. _I can't handle more dreams. I just can't. Not now._

_Don't worry. Dr. Possible will probably come and help you._ Bonnie bit her lip at that voice.

_She shouldn't have to. It's not fair to her!_

_Well, than her kid shouldn't have tried to kill you, should she?_

_Shut up. Shut up!_ Bonnie tried to glower at the other voice, but it didn't work.

Somewhere along the line, she fell asleep.

* * *

_Bonnie was walking around the high school. There was nobody there, even though she could hear talking in the rooms. Whenever she opened a door, the room was empty. Cafeteria, labs, gym…all empty. _

"_Hello!" Bonnie shouted and the heard mocking echoes. She shuddered. What if Kim was here, looking after her. She had to get home. She had to get out. _

_Bonnie ran down the echoing corridors, up and down, but when she opened the front doors, they opened into the rear corridors of the school. No matter what door she tried, no matter what windows she tried to get through, they just opened…back into the school. _

_Bonnie wailed, running down the corridors, pursued by the whispers, her eyes blinded by tears. _

"_Rockwaller!" A voice shouted, and she turned to see.. Mr. Barkin? He was locking the door. _

"_Mr. Barkin…wait!"_

"_Wait for what?"_

"_I have to get out!" Bonnie shouted._

"_You can't." Barkin responded. Suddenly Bonnie heard Kim's voice behind her. _

"_Bonnie…"_

"_But I have to… I have to run!"_

"_No you don't." He said, finishing locking up. "You can't run until you know where you're going…and you can't know where you're going until you find yourself?" Bonnie blinked, unable to understand. Find herself? She was here-_

_And then a steel hard hand grabbed her from behind and she-

* * *

_

Bonnie's eyes opened in the room. At least she hadn't screamed, although she was soaked with sweat and gasping in reaction. She was here. The room was real, the nightmare over.

But what the hell had Barkin meant? She was trembling violently. But she hadn't screamed. At least she hadn't screamed.

"Maybe… I could tell someone." Bonnie said to herself.

_Who? What if they decide that they have to take Jim and Tim?_ And then on the heels of that thought, _Why_ _did Mr. Possible leave? Is he pissed at his wife? Why?_

And what do I do? Bonnie shuddered suddenly at the realization. Nobody else was doing anything. It was up to her. But what should she do? This wasn't _fair_!

_And what happened to Kim was? _

_I don't…I can't…_

Bonnie got up and pulled a robe on. She had to go somewhere else. She had to think, and she couldn't do it here, not in this house where Kim's presence—and absence, permeated every corner, every shadow. It was three AM, according to the clock, and she wouldn't be going far…

Just far enough.

TBC.


	14. Chapter 14

Garden conversations.

* * *

In the darkness, Bonnie walked up the hill, a blanket around her. She knew where she was going. When she had been smaller, she'd loved the old garden…but it'd been a long time since she'd come back. Her sisters liked to make fun of her for having her little special place, and so she never came back. Now, though, there was nobody around to make fun…or tell her what to do, and the garden seemed appropriate, a very private place for some very private thoughts.

_Oh God. Oh God… I can't do this. I can't. Don't make me make this decision. Please. _

Not me. Anyone but me.

_But there **is** nobody but you. _A little voice told her, from a million miles away. Bonnie reached the gate, and undid it—it hadn't been locked for many years—the church had been replaced by a newer building, but the park that had adjoined it was left, the old trees, seemingly hunched against the newness, leaned down over the small stone bench at the center, before the dry fountain. For a moment, Bonnie wondered what she'd tell a cop, if one found her in pajamas and bunny slippers, a blanket around her. On the other hand, it looked like she was the first person to come here in…quite some time.

"What do I do?" Bonnie said softly to herself.

_Nothing. _her mind said to her, _You don't have to do anything. You've won. _

_What?_

_The princess is fallen. That's what you wanted, wasn't it? From the day Tinteeth came walking in, until she took **your** cheerleading team away from you, with that smarmy "it's no big" of hers, and the way she smirked when people looked at you. The way she pretended to be proud of Ron when _he _blew the Rockwaller family record… but it wasn't him, was it? It was her. _

"No…" Bonnie whispered, but she couldn't block out her racing thoughts, things she hadn't dared think coming out into the open. Ugliness unveiled.

_And now guess what? She's gone. You didn't do a thing. So Kim had feet of clay and fell, big time. Not your fault. So that bitch Monique wants to feel all tough, but it was Kim that went nuts, not you. You're the _victim.

Bonnie sat on the bench, feeling the cool stone leach the heat from her.

"It…" She paused, "It wasn't like that. It… It wasn't' her fault."

_Than whose fault was it? The man who buried her?_

"Yes!" She said, feeling like she couldn't get her breath back.

_Than why did Kim come after you… Maybe she wasn't as nuts as she let on. You know how much she hated you. Remember when she "gave up" the team captain's slot? Sitting there with that little smile when everyone looked at _her _not you? Getting in your way, making certain what when you finally gave up, it was clear she'd won…**again**? _Bonnie shook her head, trying to clear it. It was her voice. The voice of everything she'd thought through long days and nights of planning how to _beat_ Kim.

_And now you have. Now you can finally show your sisters._

"No. Shut up. Shut up."  
_And even better, whatever happens, you'll win again. If her family falls apart—Kim wasn't here where it counted. If you do something, **you** saved the day while she was showing everyone just how weak she really was… and no matter what happens, nobody can blame you. Not after what happened. _

_Oh maybe the bitch Monique or Tara, but you won't see them after high school—remember, you were leaving for college, and you can always get **new** flunkies. _

_You got what you were wishing… Kim is destroyed. Why not just step aside? If the Possible's self destruct it's no skin off your nose. _

Except Ms. Possible had been kind to her. Except the tweebs who didn't deserve what would happen to them. Except that Bonnie hadn't stopped wishing she could _unwhish_ what she had so wanted to see. Kim Humbled. The perfect girl shown to have feet of clay.

It was victory… and it was ashes in her mouth.

* * *

Somehow, time had passed. Bonnie heard the ringing of the church bell, marking out the early morning hours. The city was nearly silent, not even a dog barking, and somehow she'd slid off the bench, her body terribly cold, stone hard against her forehead. Above her, the last of the clouds had vanished and the stars looked down on the earth, the town, a her huddled body, quite calmly viewing the vista, the same as they'd gleamed over the land long before it had been named Middleton, or had even known the hand of man, for that matter.

Bonnie was tired, mortally tired. She'd never been so tired, not after cheerleading of ballet or anything else…but somehow it brought an odd clarity to her vision, diamond edged…and pure.

Incapable of deception.

Beating Kim had loomed so large, for so long… it…

_I've made Kim so big, now it's almost like I'm her shadow, and without her… what am I?_ She shivered. How long had it been since showing Kim up _hadn't_ been a part of her day? Why not? Her sisters certainly saw her… as nothing. Even her circle of friends, with a few exceptions like Tara were her creations. Held around her like an escort, safely far away if she should choose to cast them loose….

But what did it say about her? What was she?

_Who are you? The one who got all that was left over? The bitch? The queen bee who can never have friends, only flunkies?_

_Is that who you are?_ Bonnie moaned. She could be the queen bee, forge barrier after barrier of iron contempt against the world… Bonnie thought.

But what about now? What about when it wasn't enough…

She turned, put her back to the cold stone, pulled her legs under her, and looked up into the sky and back down to the flickering lights of the city below, the darker bulks of the mountains looming large. Beating Kim. Equaling her sisters. That was who she was…

_Or are you just Bonnie? Nothing more, nothing less. _

But what would her sisters, the world say? She'd _seen_ what happened when she wasn't the queen bee.

_No. You saw what happened **because** you were the queen bee. Because you would only win or lose, with no in between._

_And If I'm only Bonnie…_

_Than I'm only what I choose to be, and not what others make of me. _She shivered. What if she failed? What if she truly became _nothing?_

_Than let it be **your** nothing._ The universe could move her, she could pour out hate and bile until she was nothing.

But only if she let it have the power. Only if she allowed it to be the fulcrum around which she moved.

Only then could she try to help the Possible's, no matter what others thought.

At the cost of giving up what she'd been for so long. She saw it in her head, Kim at her feet, everyone cheering her, Bon-bon finally the favored child, with the sisters off in the dark corner, faces full of the same and resentment that so often they'd inflicted on her…_victory._

And in the other corner. Just Bonnie.

_Choose. _Bonnie took a deep breath and moaned. It was so unfair! Why was this happening to her?

_Because this is the choice that is set before you._ _You've known it for years, even if you refused to admit it. Choose. _The voice was still hers, but there was a tone in it she'd never heard before, something that seemed to shake the very mountains.

She looked up into the nightlit sky, closed her eyes, feeling the hot tears crawling down her cheeks.

"I choose…"

Suddenly, the breeze stopped, the entire world seemed to go silent, as if it was holding its breath. When she opened her eyes, the stars no longer seemed to twinkle, but were there in diamond hard array. The very air seemed somehow sharper… the only movement in the world was a single owl, flying by, a glimpse of yellow eyes as its great wings drove it on some errand.

"To be me." Not Connie or Lonnie's flawed sibling, or Kim's shadow. Just Bonnie.

_Whatever that may be, because after so long… I really don't know. _

The wind started up again, the strange moment passed, as the stars twinkled again. Bonnie got up, went to the gate, and let herself out, straightening her shoulders. For good or ill, she had made her choice.

And now… she had to help Dr. Possible make another choice.

"Fine." She murmured to herself. It was time to see what _she_ could do.

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

Well, another part, shorter than most and long, long over due.

* * *

When Andrea came out, she looked, surprised, to see Bonnie sitting at the dining room table, looking over at her with no sign of fear. Andrea had woken unexpectedly to realize that if Bonnie had had a nightmare, she hadn't been there to awaken her.

Another failure.

"Bonnie?" She asked, "are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Bonnie said, with an odd tone to her voice. Andrea couldn't place it for a moment. Bonnie continued, "But are you?"

"_Me?_" Andrea said in some surprise. She remembered what had happened, and how it must have looked so she quickly (so as not to remember why she'd been crying) answered. "I'm fine, Bonnie."

"So, you're going to talk to the Principal, with Mr. Possible? I think she wants to see both of you." Bonnie watched Andrea carefully…. And didn't need to, as a visible shudder went through the doctor and she dropped her eyes.

"No. That's not necessary. I'll just talk to her alone." Andrea said, unable to meet Bonnie's eyes. She paused, "You need to get ready to go to school."

"I already am." Bonnie answered. She continued, "The twins…they're kind of worried about their dad."

"I _said_, it's not necessary." Andrea said, an edge to her voice, "I'm handling it, Bonnie, and you don't really need to concern yourself with it." Bonnie could see the door slamming shut on the conversation.

_Oh no. Not right now._

"OK." Bonnie said, "You're right, It's not my concern…so just answer one question, honestly, and I'll shut up. Period. Never bring it up again." Bonnie mentally crossed her fingers.

"What?" Andrea asked and now her voice had more than an edge to it. Bonnie didn't flinch.

"Tell me what you're going to do to make this work." Bonnie said quietly. She didn't need to mention what "this" was. It was plain in the house, the twins upstairs, the absence of her husband haunting every corner.

"That's…" She tried to let Bonnie know that this wasn't any of her concern. "That's up to-"

_Tell her. You just tell her and she won't bother you again._

Andrea opened her mouth again, and once again it seemed like fingers were grabbing her by the throat, keeping her from saying the words.

"I'll just-"

_Talk to James?_ The emptiness of the house was clawing at her. She had never been apart from James this long since they'd been married…

"Bonnie-I…"

"Or maybe…" Bonnie said, "You could always do what you told me I needed to do. I mean, find someone to talk to, instead of you know, trying to do it alone." She shrugged. "I have to go get Jim and Tim." Bonnie got up.

_I hope this works._ Bonnie didn't want to push Dr. Possible—people hated, _especially _hated when someone they thought was an inferior tried to make them do something, and Bonnie knew that Dr. Possible… well didn't think of her as an inferior, but she was also no brain surgeon, or mother. Bonnie stopped short, and hoped that she _did_ have someone she could talk to. A choked back sob came from the dining room. Then another. Bonnie continued walking.

_Don't let me have screwed up. Please don't let me have screwed up._ There was the sound of someone fumbling at a celphone, dropping it, and then calling it.

"Michael…" Possible's voice was choked. "I… when you said if I was ready to… I…" A pause, "It's not working…it's not working.. No…I'm at home." Bonnie continued to the Twins room, mentally crossing her fingers.

* * *

Bonnie heard the cars (cars?) stopping in front of the house as she got the Twins moving, and shivered. She didn't have much reason to trust authority and her brain had been replaying a continual series of images, starting with Children's Protective Services bundling the twins off while men in white coats grabbed Dr. Possible. Of course that particular series usually ended with Monique using her for a punching bag while various people stood by and gave pointers on style.

The door rang and Bonnie went to go get it, the twins in tow. Dr. Possible hadn't moved from her position. She opened it and looked out. Dr. Simonson was there, and Bonnie kept a frown from her face. There was another woman that she recognized from her time volunteering—she was Dr. Peterson… the head of the surgical department, the person Dr. Possible answered to. The guy with the silver hair… _he_ was the head of the entire _hospital._

"I take it Andrea is here, young lady?" That last said.

"Um, yeah." Curiosity warred against duty, and—barely—lost. "I have to take the twins to school."

"And go yourself." Dr. Simonson pointed out. Bonnie barely avoided glaring at him.

"Yeah." However, she did manage to wait a short time—Jim had forgotten something and went back and got it. She didn't stay long, just enough to see the head of the hospital—that was right, Dr. Michael Bell, walk up to Dr. Possible.

"Andrea?"

"Yes?"

"Are you ready to talk?" For a moment, nothing, then,

"Yes." A faint voice.

"Good." He said, and as the door closed, Bonnie actually saw him hug her. "We'll work this out, Andrea. Let's go sit down and talk."

TBC.


	16. Chapter 16

_Discussions and Resolutions _

* * *

_The great sinners seem easier to catch. But then __**they are incalculable. After you have played them for seventy years, the Enemy may snatch them from your claws in the seventy-first. They are capable, you see, of real repentance.**__ They are conscious of real guilt. They are, if things take the wrong turn, as ready to defy the social pressures around them for the Enemy's sake as they were to defy them for ours. It is in some ways more troublesome to track and swat an evasive wasp than to shoot, at close range, a wild elephant. But the elephant is more troublesome if you miss._

C.S. Lewis,_The Screwtape Letters._

* * *

The day at school dragged. Bonnie ignored the giggles and comments. She wanted to get home, but she couldn't just walk out.

_What if things don't go well?_ was the refrain running through her head. Fortunately, today there wasn't any cheerleading practice, and she could pick the twins up and go home.

And find out what had happened. She mentally crossed her fingers.

The day went in some ways like the other days had. There were the giggles, the hushed conversations, the sidelong looks. Most boys avoided her. She guessed Brick's attitude had gotten around the campus.

On the other hand, however annoying they were, they weren't…. Bonnie though about it. They weren't as annoying as they had been. And much of the annoyance was directed at herself, because well, she had helped _create_ it. And that was odd.

She'd figured she'd be weeping through the corridors, crawling up to people to beg their forgiveness…or at least that had been how it played out in her mind in the past when she'd thought about trying to make up with people, instead of making certain she'd always be on top… but that wasn't it. She'd have to work hard, as hard as she ever had in her life, Bonnie thought to make up, but simply_begging_ for forgiveness wasn't the point. Besides, who would believe her? Granted she had never really lied outright, but everyone knew what a good manipulator she was… and so she would have to show by doing.

She wondered how many decades that might take.

"Focus, Bonnie." She muttered to herself. Right now the big deal was hoping that she had done the right thing in the Possible's house, to make it though the day, and if people wanted to giggle at her, fine, she'd done more than enough of that herself.

Finally, the day was over, broken by the momentary excitement of a fight. They'd been having lots of fights recently.

_And not all of them can be because Barkin's gone._ Bonnie thought. There seemed to be an…edge to some students, something that hadn't been there before. It wasn't much, and she wondered if anyone really noticed it, but some people definitely seemed more willing to go to fist city.

There was of course the other bit of excitement—As Bonnie went to her car, she encountered Monique, Zita, Justine, and Tara, that last looking unhappy, all standing out by her car. Monique put her hand on the door to keep Bonnie from opening it.

"I said we were going to talk, Girl, and Felix isn't here right now."

"Yah." Zita said, "Nobody's here now, just us girls."

"um.." Tara paused, and looked at the others.

"I said we wouldn't start out punching, Tara." Monique said. "didn't say anything about not ending that way."

"Don't' look at me." Justine said, "I'm just here to observe." She smiled, her narrow, foxlike face looking calmly malicious. "I've never actually seen someone get beaten to within an inch of their life before."

Part of Bonnie gibbered in panic.

But another part didn't. And that was the larger part.

_Did you think it would be easy?_ She had made a **profession** of playing other people. If she had had such a fight deciding to be Bonnie, and not whatever shadow worked best at the time, why should they have any easier of a time of it? And if they chose to beat her…

Well, they weren't Kim. Now she could think of it without tearing up and going hysterical, but _Kim_ had intended to kill her. If Ron, Barkin and Shego hadn't intervened, she _would_ be dead.

Compared to that, these were just some angry teens who were going to hurt her. But still..

"Tara…" Bonnie said, "You promised not to tell anyone else."

"I didn't…but…"

"But we weren't willing to beat it out of Tara so we figured we'd come to you, Bonnie." Zita said, "We're _really_ willing to beat it out of _you._" Bonnie bit her lip then nodded.

"Fine. Get started."

"What?"

"Bonnie!" Tara said, "They'll do it!"

"I know, I'm not telling them anything."

"But-"

"Oh really?" Zita said, "I don't just beat people in Everlot…" Justine was watching them all, her head tilted.

"Bonnie-"

"No."

"Oh, it's time TLTHO". Everyone stopped, Monique looked around. "To Lay the Hurt On."

"Ah." Justine said. "Before you all show how closely you are related to Neanderthal man, I'd like to ask a question."

"What!" Monique said, as she and Zita approached Bonnie, with Tara in between, backing up as she tried to keep them from getting to Bonnie.

_Tara really can't stay angry at anyone._

"Why?" Justine said, and shrugged "Sure I don't like her, since I'm the flat chested brainiac with the robot fetish." Bonnie winced.

_Well, did you expect that comment wouldn't get back to her?_ Bonnie asked herself.

"But Bonnie never struck me as someone who would keep a secret at the cost of needing plastic surgery." Justine continued in the same bored, explaining-it-to-a-bunch-of-chimps voice.

On the other hand, it also had taken some of the momentum out of Monique and Zita.

"Okay. Why." Zita asked.

"Because." Bonnie said, feeling her snarky voice come to the four, "I told Tara, and you know something is up. If I tell you, maybe I should just cut out the middle man and blare it from the speakers, or maybe take out an ad." She frowned, at them. "I told Tara, I told Tara_everything_ I'm going to tell anyone until Kim or Ron tells me I can talk to someone else."

"Well they're conveniently not here, are they." Monique said.

"Nope. How about this—why don't you ask _Tara_ if it's a good idea for everyone to know what happened." She said, folding her arms. Monique and Zita looked over at Tara.

"Well?"

"Bonnie's…right." Tara said. "It might really mess things up. Do you believe _me?_" Monique glared at her, and glared at Bonnie.

"You're Bonnie's friend. What's to say you're not just trying to protect her."

"Because Tara wouldn't lie about this." Zita said.

"No… I wouldn't."

"So it's not Bonnie's fault then, it is?" Monique asked Tara. Tara opened her mouth, but Bonnie broke in.

"She didn't say that. Some of it… a lot of it, _was_ my fault." Bonnie said quietly. "You'll have to wait until Kim comes back to explain that—I can't say it without saying too much."

"And you know that Kim will come back?" Justine said, "How?"

"She's always come back before." Bonnie said. "Ron is with her." There was a wince from Monique, and Bonnie remembered just how much the three had hung around.

"That doesn't-" Monique paused, and started again, "That doesn't let you off the hook." But she was more relaxed. "But… _don't_ think this changes anything. Not at all. Stay out of my way." With that, she stalked off, followed by Zita. Justine looked at Bonnie, and raised one eyebrow.

"Braver than I gave you credit for." She said casually, and strolled off after the others. Bonnie waited until they were gone and sat down by the car, ignoring the asphalt on her clean clothes and shuddered.

"Are you alright?" Tara asked.

"Yah." Bonnie paused, "Tara…thanks for not telling." Tara looked down curiously at her.

"I said I wouldn't. Why didn't you?"

"Because… I can't." Bonnie said, "Not and stay me…"

"Stay you?"

"I'll explain later… when I figure out what I really mean." Bonnie said. "I've gotta go get the twins."

TBC.


	17. Chapter 17

New Residents:

* * *

This time, there was no fight at the school. The twins were waiting for Bonnie…along with Principal Kuma.

_Oh boy._

"Bonnie," Kuma said, "I received a call today from Dr. Bell, at the hospital."

_Oh__**no.**_

"He told me that there had been some errors in getting information to me and that while you are staying with the Possible's, there is adult family supervision and that I shouldn't worry about the twins."

_Okay, what am I-huh?_

"What?" Bonnie asked before her brain engaged.

"Oh, I'm certain all will be explained to you, dear." Kuma said, "Just remember—one doesn't _always_ have to do everything alone."

"I…okay." Bonnie said, "Thanks."

On the way home she wondered what Kuma had meant, but when they got to the Possible's, there was only one car in the driveway and it wasn't Dr. Possible.

_Where is she_? Bonnie wondered, but when she came in, there was one of her…less then favorite persons sitting at the table. Dr. Simonson.

"Hello, Ms. Rockwaller." He said calmly, "Hello, Jim, Tim."

"Where's_mom_." They both said, eyes darting back and forth.

"Getting help. Seeing your _father_."

"But mom hasn't seen dad-"

"Since not long after Kim-" Stereophonic Tweebs, Bonnie had once heard Kim describe them as, and she had to admit it was descriptive.

"I know. We're working on that. She left you a letter." He paused, and handed it to them. "Jim, Tim, your mother didn't want to leave as quickly as she did, but sometimes, you have to do something…before you become too afraid to do it even if you know it's right."

"Is…is dad coming back?"

"That's what they're working on, yes."

_But you didn't say he was._ Bonnie thought.

"In any case, you'll be staying here with Bonnie and…someone else. For a while."

_Not you, please God no._

"I can handle-"

"And if something happens like a car wreck? The authorities might get sticky. Trust me, you'll like this adult and she's not me." He paused, and looked over at Jim and Tim. The two took the hint, and headed upstairs.

"Now, you probably want to know a little more of what is going on, so you can let Jim and Tim know and reassure them."

_Well, reassure me._ Bonnie silently commented.

"Okay, what's happening?"

"Dr. Possible has agreed to go and see her husband. Rabbi Katz had been speaking with James, and they'll both be meeting with… a marriage Counselor." He shrugged, "They'll be gone for a while."

"How long?" Bonnie asked.

"I don't know." Simonson paused, "Ms. Rockwaller, I received permission to speak to you…but I'm not certain how er… competent Andrea was at that point. On the other hand, there are things you need to know, so I'll have to trust you and remind you that you need to keep this information in the _strictest_ confidence, until Andrea or her husband release you from that charge—if they ever do.

_What else is new?_

"Okay." Bonnie said.

"Very well." Simonson paused and looked across the room. "The first thing you have to realize is that the myth that domestic troubles only happen to poor, or stupid people is just that, a myth. But that myth often leaves people like James and Andrea less prepared, because they don't believe they _should_ be prepared—having always overcome every obstacle, they aren't ready for one that they can't over come."

"Okay…"

"And that leads to a perfectly human desire to find a reason for everything that has happened, a reason that lets _them_ off the hook." He shrugged, "Understand, I'm not condemning—this isn't a failing, this is a universal constant of human behavior. It's especially serious because until this moment, the Possible's had never encountered a challenge they couldn't overcome themselves, and more importantly never a challenge that called so many of their assumptions into question. Andrea is a doctor, and yes she's lost patients, but she never would have dreamed that her daughter would have self destructed so dramatically. Nor had her husband."

"So why did he leave?"

"Because…" He paused, "He blamed his wife, and she blamed him. It's not fair—it's not fair _at all_, but even knowing that you can't help but think it, which is why these situations can get so terrible. She was the silly idiot who didn't notice her daughter was self destructing even though she _was a doctor_, and to her, he was the man who happily abandoned Kim in favor of his little space hobby."

"But it's a job-"

"That he likes to do, and James' reluctance to get involved with Kim's personal decisions was a joke around the hospital—and one of our first warning signs, before you even arrived here was that her jokes about it became more edged, less funny. She told Dr. Bell that "James talks about how he has to stay out late and let me take care of the twins because he has a project. If I show up for work tired, it's not some rocket that suffers, people die." That was when Dr. Bell started seriously watching her and tried to convince her that she needed, that _James_ needed some help. Because of course it wasn't just him she blamed, but herself, a kind of mental feedback loop."

"She did force you to suspend her." Bonnie said. Simonson raised his eyebrow at her.

"You caught that? Yes. If she had been working in another field, where it was easier to back stop her, we could have let her continue for a time…whether that would have been wise…" He shrugged, "Regardless, not only couldn't we risk a patients heath, Andrea knows, even if she refused to admit it, that she's not anywhere near the top of her game, if a patient died, or was harmed under her care right now, it would destroy her. We had a responsibility both to her and our patients to make certain that did not happen—and she refused to accept that she _wasn't_ capable of giving proper care right now."

"But in any case," he continued, "That's why they separated. I haven't spoken to James, but I bet that the reasons in his case were about the same. You hate and love the person next to you and sometimes you think that things will get better if you just separate. Maybe the problem will stop, because you can't figure out any other way to _make_ it stop. Seldom does it work. The phrase "one flesh" isn't just a biblical one, it's a very good nutshell of the psychological state of many strong marriages."

"So, they'll be talking with Dr. Bell?"

"Oh heaven's no." Simonson said, "I'm afraid, Bonnie that you may not understand just how ugly these sessions might be. If they're going to work through this they'll have to confront terrible issues of sorrow, rage, and yes, hate. Things are going to be said, things are going to be _spewed out_, that will be more hateful then you could ever imagine them saying. There will be hysterics, rage, and tears, and everything in between, and for that reason, among others, it's a good idea that they not say it to people they'll have to be working with professionally and socially in the future. Equally, the person working with them has to be someone who can make a decision of what is best for them—not what he thinks the really wonderful coworker he wants to see back at the hospital will want—which is another reason to avoid one of us. I'm not certain if it came down to it that I would be able to avoid taking Andrea's side, and that would be utterly destructive to the marriage and their healing."

"What-what are they going to have to do?" Bonnie said, cursing the stutter. Part of her had expected, had _hoped_ that they would just go and have one of those quickie 30 minute sessions and everything would be alright. Her mother and father had done that and come home happy according to her sisters…

_Of course, your father no longer lives at home. _

"They're going to have to admit some ugly things. They both screwed up, and yet it wasn't all their fault. Terrible things can happen to good people and sometimes, things just don't work out." Simonson said bluntly. "Kim Possible has loving parents, you know that, and I know it, so why didn't she go to them for help instead of crawling into a pill case?"

"That's not fair!" Bonnie burst out. "She was-" She paused, "Afraid of what I- of what everyone might say."

"Maybe." He said, "Or maybe _like her parents_ she just wanted this horror to go away, no matter what it took." He frowned, "I don't know, I hope wherever she is, the people she's with _do_ know, and help her." Then he nodded, "But in part you're right. I'm a mental health specialist, and every time I see a movie with some mentally ill person held up for ridicule, or worse yet, as a ticking time bomb, I fall into a frothing rage. She _was_ mentally ill, Ms. Rockwaller, just like a person with a broken leg or serious infection is physically ill, and the fact that she was at all functional was in and of itself amazing. Of course the problem is that our society has such a collection of myths and phobias about mental illness that people are terrified of even thinking about getting help." He laughed, "Imagine if someone with a broken leg told you they were just going to stay home with it without going to a doctor because they were afraid people might _laugh_ at them."

"Is it going to work with her parents?"

"I don't know." He said, "I think so, I hope so, but… this isn't mathematics. 2+2 doesn't always equal four, especially in the psychological disciplines." He paused, "I can tell you that I think that if it's possible at all, pardon the pun, they will be able to do it."

"And someone from the hospital is staying here with us." Bonnie said.

Simonson laughed, "Oh heavens no!"

"Huh?"

"Ms. Rockwaller, when told Ms. Kuma that there would be family here, we weren't misleading her. In fact, she was preparing to come over when we called her last night." He shrugged, "Apparently she had decided that it was time for her to show up, no matter what the others said, and we were already thinking about having an intervention." He paused, "Though I must thank you on that. Andrea told us about your question, and believe me, Ms. Rockwaller, you have directly impacted this situation and for the better. There is a tremendous difference between trying to _force_ someone to seek help and convincing someone that they _need_ to seek help. You were able to do that, and you should be proud." There was a ring at that door, and Simonson got a small smile on his face.

"And I believe she is here." He quickly moved to open the door, and there was an old woman, gray haired, looking at Simonson and Bonnie with a thoughtful expression.

"I don't know if you've met Kim's grandmother, Bonnie, but she'll be the one staying at the house."

* * *

TBC. 


End file.
